The 10 Sexiest Honeymoon Spots in The U.S.A.
by Micah Sarut
With the popularity of the staycation showing no signs of letting up in this economic climate, we’ve decided to find some seriously sexy places for a honeymoon where you won’t need a passport or a long-haul flight. We’ve even thrown in some language lessons too!
New Orleans, Louisiana
While much of Louisiana can remind many city slickers of Deliverance, New Orleans never fails to deliver as an incredibly sexy place. It’s an irresistible combination of Anglo-French and Afro-Caribbean traditions all gumbo’d up into a hot and steamy fireball of spice, alcohol, and jazz. Wandering the streets of the French Quarter evokes the spirit of this wonderful city of eccentrics, musicians, Cajuns and Creoles. Do as the locals do and head for Frenchman Street for drinks and numerous live jazz venues. It’s pretty simple: on a sultry summer evening get yourself a bucket of crawfish, two cold Dixie beers, a few shots of tequila, and keep the heat rising all night.
Phrase to learn: “Laisser les bons temps rouler!” Just say it.
Santa Fe, New Mexico
Forget about aliens in Roswell; get in touch with your artistic and spiritual side together in New Mexico. You’ll find plenty of stimulation from the likes of the Art Institute, SITE Santa Fe, or perhaps with one of the innumerable New Age institutes or Zen centers. With your spirituality and creativity satiated, wander hand in hand through streets of old adobe buildings and watch the light of sunset turn the textured walls into rainbows of orange and red. Feeling peckish? The culinary scene invites exploration with a multitude of southwestern specialties, often locally sourced. A postprandial visit to one of Santa Fe’s new chocolatiers ought to focus her spiritual urges into more physical matters. With your suite in one of the fine historical hotels waiting, you can channel your new creative outlets to your new marriage.
Phrases to learn: “We are now as one in the universe, my corazon”
Sonoma County, California
Only thirty minutes from Napa but a world away, the small-town charm of this beautiful area comes from the independent, family-run wineries and shops that create an air of the way life should be. Golden rolling hills, blanketed with vines, make way for the pine and redwood forests of the Russian River Valley, where you can find some of the best Pinot Noir in the world as well as a host of outdoor activities. Lovely Healdsburg is the nexus of this area, and there’s a cottage or two for rent in the area with wide countryside vistas. Since the area is not known for nightlife, relish the fact that all you have to do is watch the sunset over the vineyards and then turn off the lights as the stars fill the night sky.
Phrase to learn: “That level of malolactic fermentation makes it totally awesome, dude.”
Perhaps you both wish to get away from it all. If Montana’s your idea of a crowded metropolis then head straight for Alaska. Out there, no one will hear you scream. Experience the majesty of the last frontier: fly over the untouched rugged mountains and ice-blue glaciers of the Matanuska-Susitna Valley, spot brown bears and bald eagles in the Tongass National Park near the Inside Passage, or even release your inner child and go berry picking in Homer. Find a little cabin, stoke the fire, and make her muffins in the morning with the fruits of your picking labors and insist on eating them in bed, where you will then reap the rewards for your efforts.
Phrase to learn: “Don’t worry darling, you’re my bear insurance”
Fancy a winter wonderland? Surrounded by the towering, snowy-white peaks of the Rocky Mountains, Aspen is a beautiful old mining town once favored by “gonzo” journalist Hunter S. Thompson, but now caters to the upscale crowd. Ski, snowboard, skate, toboggan, or snowshoe your way around the slopes and trails around the city until you’ve sufficiently frozen your extremities. Head back to town for some sophisticated, world-class après-ski, but not for too long: you’ll want to warm up properly back at the luxurious log cabin. Some hot buttered rum and a pair of white furry snow boots from one of the luxury boutiques ought to do the trick.
Phrase to learn: “Those are epic epic gnar gnar boots.”
Hemingway knew a thing or two about a nice warm place to drink, and while his stories might not be so romantic, the thousands of islands that make up the Florida Keys do exude a romance of eternal warmth and just a hint of relaxed, weather-beaten Caribbean sexuality. Exchange looks of love while you explore the many unspoiled areas around Big Pine Key by kayak, immersing yourself in the beautiful blue-green landscape teeming with marine life. Nearby, in the 500 acres of Bahia Honda State Park, you just might find a perfectly secluded beach spot. If you can break away from the natural beauty- or from your room- seek out the sultry charms of Key West for a fair few cocktails and a plate of fresh seafood. Don’t forget the pie.
Phrase to learn: “Wasted away again in Margaritaville.”
Keeping the undeniable charm of the rhinestone cowboy and the Grand Ole Opry alive, the Music City will seduce her with the sweet sounds of the South. Fear not country music haters: the music scene has moved on a great deal since the days of Dolly and Johnny, with East Nashville laying down endless riffs on the country music tradition, producing country’s un-country, alt-country, and such genre-bending experiments as punkabilly. Although the alt-crowd might frown upon such dalliances, take her for a guilty pleasure and learn to line dance. You’ll show that you’re not afraid of the dance floor, and the moves will easily mask any lack of ability. We all know women love musicians, so find yourself a rhinestone shirt and treat her to your own version of the boot scoot boogie.
Phrase to learn: “That’s right, ma’am, I’d like her name in rhinestones across the back”
Cool temperatures, backcountry walks, blustery beaches, and lobsters on every plate all conspire to send you back to your room for an extended warming session in front of the fire. While summer is popular with those who are “from away”, the real Mainahs (translation: people from Maine) know that the best time for romance is in the spring or fall. Compare your intense love for her to the trees engulfed in the orange, yellow, and red flames of fall in the Camden Hills State Park. Stay overlooking the ocean in Ogunquit and keep snuggly warm, or for those with some Dramamine, recall Maine’s seafaring traditions and head out on an old wooden windjammer for a sail up the coast from picturesque Camden. You’ll have a great time working out how to make a berth fit two.
Phrase to learn: “Last night was wicked fun.”
This historic city exudes the refined and sensual charm of old mansions, Spanish moss hanging from oak trees, and the legend of the Southern Gentleman. Be her Rhett Butler as you accompany her on a walk or carriage ride through the beautiful squares of the historic district, smelling the sweetness of the blossoming magnolias, and whispering sweet nothings of love into her longing ears. Continue the seduction over shrimp and grits and a julep or two before heading out on one of Savanna’s many ghost tours. With her ears ringing with your words of Southern charm and sufficiently spooked, you’ll have no choice but to take her back to your hotel and calm her fears.
Phrase to learn: “Hush now darlin’, come an’ gimme me some sugar”
There’s simply no shortage of sexiness on Kauai. The usual superlatives apply here: lush rain forests filled with unique species of brightly colored tropical flora and fauna, countless secret waterfalls, majestic coastlines, and white sand beaches. There’s even a palm tree or two. One of the less crowded islands, you just might be able to keep Kauai all to yourself. Go Robinson Crusoe and take a boat to Na Pali Coast State Park where you can camp on the beach for five amazing days. With a hibiscus flower (aloalo) behind her left ear (she’s married now) head in to the forest to find one of the cascading waterfalls and make that ultimate fantasy come true.
Phrase to learn: “Kumonnawannaleiya”
In between designing buildings, architect, photographer, and writer Micah Sarut selflessly scours the planet for the next big romantic adventure to share with Staggered’s readers; find him online at www.micahsarut.com