Five Quickest Ways To Wreck A Wedding Speech
Wedding speeches – two little words that can make your blood run cold. Even the seasoned raconteur regards this baby
as a bit of a challenge. Thankfully, there’s help out there. The verbal virtuosos and all-round lovely chaps at wedding speech specialists, Burn The Toast, are celebrating their fifth birthday. To mark the occasion, they’re generously sharing their insights on the five quickest ways to wreck your wedding speech, in the hope that they can stop any more grooms, best men and fathers of the bride dying a very public death on the Big Day. Are you ready for your lesson? Good. Then we’ll begin…
1. Improper content
Obviously, the biggest no-nos are in-depth accounts of stag weekends. Remember the golden rule: what goes on tour, stays on tour (WGOTSOT). Burn The Toast’s John Thorp notes that most nuptials include three generations of guests, so make a speech that’s suitable for both kiddies and grandma. As for bestman speeches, John advises that material should, “at worst aim to mildly embarrass and never utterly destroy the groom”. Disturbingly, along with best men’s efforts, Burn The Toast have also had to suggest the removal of graphic material from more than one father of the bride speech…nice.
2. Nicking jokes from the Internet
You don’t have to be the next Michael McIntyre to compile some great material – just gather a range of material on your subject and speeches for weddings quickly take shape. Tap the groom’s mates for stories, too. Do steer clear of over-used wedding gags, though – “it’s obviously been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers,” is particularly tired, but there are loads of others which are guaranteed to leave your audience groaning – and not in a good way.
3. Improvising
Being generous, maybe one in a thousand blokes can pull off this sort of ad libbing feat successfully. The odds are lousy, so don’t risk it. As with work, if you’ve not prepared, nerves kick in and you end up fumbling around for anything to say or, worse, rambling incoherently for an age. Both scenarios suck and you’ll have missed the chance to contribute something really special to the Big Day. Folks have a horribly long memory when it comes to a terrible speech.
4. Pre-speech beers
As John points out, “there’s an incredibly fine line between getting some Dutch courage and Oliver Reed singing and gurning on Aspel.” Try and keep booze to a minimum until you’ve done your turn. If everyone’s panicky about the speeches, moot the idea of moving them to a pre-dinner slot. That way, you can all kick back and enjoy a relaxing meal with the wines a-flowing.
5. Neglecting etiquette
Your speech hasn’t been designed specifically to torture you or to provide a platform for your comedy repertoire. Each wedding speech has a particular function so ensure that yours does what it’s meant to. Huge amounts of teeth-gnashing goes into the precise wording on invitations and seating plans can get political, especially if there’s parental divorce involved. Omitting to toast the bridesmaids (grooms speech) or welcome guests (father of the bride) can cause untold upset, so do your homework and be certain that your speech adheres to the rules of etiquette.
Keep your confidence levels up – check out life coach Steve Roche’s wedding speech masterclass.
Can you really nail the speech in ten minutes? Staggered test drives Burn The Toast’s bold assertion…
Are you quietly confident or bricking it? Share your pain with the forum.
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