Let’s Get Married At Legoland! (And Other Places She’ll Say No To)
When it comes to wedding venue churches and registry offices are all very well, but is it really you? Wouldn’t you rather marry somewhere that you can make a cheap joke out of the name of the venue? Huh? Sure you would.
If you’re intending to end your wedding with all sorts of debauchery for one and all, why not host it in a building that quite literally represents the Last Days of Rome. Bath’s magnificent Pump Room is awash with original furnishings and painting from days of splendour, when it was filled with… actually, it was mainly just filled with prototype filtration systems, but just pretend otherwise. Plus, just check out the name – Pump. Ha! That sounds like fart!
If you want the sort of wedding that gets other people involved, Westminster’s most famous Eye is the one for you. Although naturally by ‘get involved’, we mean force hundreds of queueing foreign tourists to stare at you in angry bemusement as you find yourself 400 feet in the air, in an air-conditioned ‘pod’ that you have 30 minutes to tie the knot in, before a slap up reception at one of numerous Thames-side venues. Would be a hilarious prank venue for those with a mortal fear of heights.
When you tell people you’re to be wed in Windsor Great Park, they’ll likely smile and “aww” at the romantic grandeur implied by marrying in the Queen’s foremost local retreat… so imagine their faces when their satnavs discreetly transport them to local fun spot Legoland, the children’s theme park where ‘we’re always building something new!’ The site includes a lovely Georgian Manor and function room where the civil ceremony jazz takes place, however, there’s nothing stopping you exploring the park afterwards, riding the Dragon coaster, and of course, having your photo taken next to a tiny little wedding chapel made of little bricks!
Don’t miss the train that’s also your wedding. Scotland’s premier steam train can billow it’s way through the Scottish highlands with you and up to 36 guests on board, which is perfectly suited to mask a secret steam enthusiast or Harry Potter-based obsession. 25 grand will buy you and your chosen family and friends food, drink, beds for the night and good use of the beautiful veranda for the ceremony, as the scenery rushes by. Poirot invite optional.
You occasionally see football club weddings in the local paper and, let’s be fair, the bride never really looks happy does she? The groom looks like all his birthdays have come at once as some old lad from the club reads the vows and poses for photos. Then they trudge out to the centre circle for some pictures and just as the season begins, the divorce papers come through. Actually, maybe you should keep football and weddings separate.
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