Having Two Best Men Is Wrong, Here’s Why…
It, soul legend Marvin Gaye once sang, takes two. But while our Marv may be quite an authority on sexual healing, when it comes to how many best men you should have at your wedding, his numerical advice is not to be trusted because the simple fact is that having two best men is WRONG.
First of all, the clue is in the singular title- ‘best man’. He is the best man for the job, the top dog, the head honcho, the only man you trust with the once in a lifetime duties leading up to, and on, your wedding day. A true position of honour.
He is not almost the best man for the job, the ‘nearly-the-best-but-not-quite so we’ve-got-someone-else-as-well’ man. It’s man not men people, and it’s an important distinction.
One source you certainly shouldn’t trust on the matter is women. They have it easy here, because when it comes to bridesmaids there isn’t a best one, yes there’s the nominal Chief Bridesmaid (or Maid of Honour if you’re feeling all American) but she’s just a bridesmaid with a slightly bigger bouquet. Women have as many friends as desired/is deemed politically acceptable and then let the most controlling one take over, sorted.
Therefore, women will always say ‘of course two best men is fine’ because their friends simply wouldn’t be able to cope with the divisive time honoured tradition of naming one the ‘best’ for a day. But we’re men and men can handle a bit of honest-to-goodness naming and shaming, can’t we? Not if you believe the ladies over on the You and Your Wedding* chatroom who discussed this subject in full acronym-riddled detail.
Fayzie (rank: Bridezilla) informed us that she has “shown H2B all your posts and he is really happy. Is defo having the two best men!”. Bless. If he’s lucky maybe she’ll even help him tie his shoelaces!
NMR (rank: Newbride2b) goes one better and reveals her lucky H2B is having three best men. “He couldn’t decide between his bestest mates, so we’re splitting the roles between the 3 of them. It actually works out quite well and they double up as ushers!”
So now we have the prospect of three best men who are also the ushers? We’d like to shout ‘stop the madness’ here but we’re glad she brought this up, because it seems people are overlooking the trusty usher.
If you’re lucky enough to have a few good mates then picking a best man isn’t an easy decision, but that’s what makes it worth something, dammit. Just locate your balls, suck it up and pick one trusted friend, then make the ones who were also in the running ushers- simple. Not only will they not mind, they will thank you for it – just watch their faces when you ask them, really.
With two best men the reality is that neither chum is really a best man, and you’ll either have a series of awkward ‘er, who does this bit?’ moments, or a sub Ant and Dec double act on your hands. One man we asked said the speeches were ‘extra special because it was more like a sketch’. Christ. Be warned- it could happen to you.
Brownie Points
- Being asked to be a best man should be a special moment in a friendship. So don’t just ask him in a text. Make a weekend of it – the beauty is that women buy into all this nonsense which means you get a guilt-free weekend away. The keyword here is that you need to bropose (as in propose the idea of being a best man, nowt funny).
- We’ve got a series coming up on broposals and how to get the most out of them, so sign up to the newsletter so you don’t miss out.
- If your best man is a bit of a rum ‘un you may have to sell the idea to your bride, the key is to let her see his nicer side. Say how much he thinks of her and generally try and keep quiet his ideas for a “Festival of Sin” for your stag-do.
*We’ve found that it’s a lot more fun if you adopt a tone of absolute outrage and recrimination when saying, “You and Your Wedding” as if it’s the bitter final line from an Edward Albee play. Try it.
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