Join Our Campaign For Cake

Gentlemen. Lay down your work tools. Put your remotes and Xbox controllers to one side. Take your finger out of that thing, seriously, don’t touch – dirty. Listen now, for we must speak of serious things.

It is our sad duty to tell you that you are being deprived of cake. We were alerted to this news when a post over at our internet pals The Man Registry raised the delicious issue of the groom’s cake. That’s right: the GROOM’S CAKE.

Naturally, we were excited by the concept, so we did some research read Wikipedia and learned that in America the Groom gets an entire cake to himself and it’s displayed alongside the big, dumb normal cake on the wedding day.

Incredibly, there’s even more – the cake is all about the groom. Right there, in flour, egg, butter and icing someone sums up the groom in cake form. Naturally, as all grooms are awesome, this leads to some of the most amazing cakes YOU WILL EVER SEE. Ready?

So, why are we telling you all this? Because gents, we’re not being deprived any more. We, the men of Britain, want our Groom’s Cakes. We want to look at a cake shaped like a model airplane and say, “Yes, that baker has reached into my soul, formed me into a cake and touched my wedding day with baked happiness.” Is that too much to ask?

Women get most of the cool stuff at the weddings and all we’re saying is that from now on we want Groom’s Cake. We’re not going to be violent. We’re not going to rant and rave. All we’re saying is We want Groom’s Cake or the wedding’s off.

How to help:

• Your MP isn’t going to be all that bothered about groom’s cake, so let’s write to someone who can make a difference: Mr Kipling. Remind him politely (at first) that as the man responsible for all the cakes in the UK, he should be doing more to get us our Groom’s Cakes.
• Tell us if you achieve a victory and you’re going to have a Groom’s Cake at your wedding and we’ll make some gigantic Blue Peter totalizer-type thing and count how many Groom’s Cakes we’ve achieved.
• Spread the word – Tweet, Facebook, MySpace (seriously, you’re still on MySpace?), tell friends, neighbours, men you meet in the urinals at pubs – Tell them about Groom’s Cakes.
• Send us great examples of Groom’s Cakes so we can show the men of Britain what we’re missing.
• Join Us – for when men band together, history shows us that they can usually get a cake sorted out.

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