How To Hire A Stripper
Hiring a stag night stripper sounds like a fun job, right? In an ideal world, you’d adopt a Simon Cowell-type role, sitting behind a desk while a string of buxom beauties do a pants-off dance-off for your judgely perusal. We could call it the XXX factor. Arf arf. In reality, as with many best man duties, it’s something that involves a bit of Google scouring and a bit of time on the blower. Here’s how you do it.
TALK TO THE GROOM
Ask him if he really wants a stripper. If he does, ask what type of stripper he’d like. There are nice strippers, who’ll just wiggle their bits around; and nasty strippers, who’ll attempt to stick things in bodily orifices. And then there are novelty strippers like grannies and larger ladies.
Your groom is unlikely to say he wants anything but the former, but ultimately the decision is yours. Also consider how many strippers you want to hire: if it’s a large stag party, you may want to hire more than one.
ASSESS THE OPTIONS
The best bet is to use personal recommendations from friends. If none are available, search the net for local stripper hire agencies in your area. Discount the ones offering to loan industrial paint strippers [you pre-empted my picture gag, ED]. The key is to look for a reputable agency. If there’s a phone number, call it and speak to a real human being about what you’re looking for. If the groom is a frequent visitor to a particular strip club, it’s worth enquiring whether any of their girls do outside stripper work on the side. Old school types could attack the Yellow Pages too.
When you find the right agency, tell them what you’re looking for and ask to see pictures of the girl you’ll be hiring. If you’re dealing with an individual, you may be able to meet up with her to discuss your requirements and let her in on in-jokes about the groom she may be able to incorporate into her act.
Ask about the stripper’s experience and describe the type of event you’re planning. If you want special costumes, now’s the time to pipe up. Aim to book at least a few weeks in advance of the event and be confident with your negotiations, even if you feel like a naughty schoolboy trying to pinch a copy of Razzle. You’re less likely to get swindled if you sound like you know what you’re talking about.
Arrange how and when the stripper will be paid. If it’s cash in advance, make sure you’re dealing with a reputable agency who won’t take the money and run, and pay on a credit card so you can dispute the charge if the stripper doesn’t show. A deposit plus cash on arrival is a better arrangement. Either way, get a letter of confirmation of booking. You should expect to pay in the region of £100 to £150 for a stripper to come to a private residence and perform for 15 minutes.
WORK OUT THE LOGISTICS
The stripper needs to arrive at an opportune moment in the stag do and must be somewhere she can (legally) do her stuff. The best place would be somewhere private, like a house or a hotel room, but you may be able to negotiate with a bar or club to allow you to do it there. Supply good directions and maps to the stripper to help her get there.
A FEW DAYS BEFORE
Call to re-confirm the arrangements.
ON THE DAY
Keep the agent’s phone number handy in case the stripper is late or there are other complications. Set up a private area for the stripper to prepare, be it a bedroom, bathroom etc. Treat the stripper with dignity and generally the goldern rule to obey is: don’t touch unless you’re told you can. Tip the stripper if you feel it’s necessary.
If hiring a private stripper seems like too much hassle, you could always take your stag party to a strip club, strip pub or burlesque night instead. Or, you know, you could do something that doesn’t involve naked boobs, like DIY. Just sayin’.