Ringing The Changes, Or One Man’s Proposal

So I took the big plunge to ask Emma to marry me.

It didn’t happy lightly – I don’t think it ever should! We’d been together for 18 months before we moved in together; first into a pokey, one-bedroom  place (to check we got on in such close quarters) and then we moved to a two-bed flat once we knew we were ok together. My parents – well my mum, whose nose is permanently sniffing somewhere around my business – gave me all the grave speeches about needing to save the money to buy a house before proposing, but to be honest, I stopped listening to mum when I moved out of home – it’s not as if she could ever stop me making mistakes…

White gold with normal and black diamonds – very funky and unique, Emma doesn’t like huge rocks on her finger (thank God!)

I decided around April or May 2010 that I wanted to propose on our summer holiday in Lanzarote, scheduled for late August. Emma had been ‘hinting’ that she wanted a proposal. I’m sure others will agree with me here: when women ‘hint’ at something like this, it’s rather more blatant than the odd nudge in the ribs. Every time we were out at the shops we’d end up in the front window of every sodding jeweller we conveniently stumbled across. It’s not like any one jeweller is better than the others, is it? Well, according to women, they’re all different so be ready for this if it hasn’t happened to you yet…

Deciding on a ring and a cost are two of the toughest things I have ever had to do. Tradition states that you spend something like two months’ wages on an engagement ring. Now, I earn a fairly decent wage – enough to pay my half of the rent and bills, buy some Blurays and the odd Xbox game, travel to and from work, buy lunches and some beer. However, my gross wage x2 would be a lot to outlay in one go on anything!

With all due respect to my fiancée, she has her clumsy moments. I’ve seen her drop rings and watches and all sorts of expensive goods in the past and I couldn’t help thinking that, if I spent silly money on a ring, that it would be scratched and bent in weeks. However, I didn’t want to be a cheapskate, as she would know right away that I had put no effort in at all.

What I decided to do, then, was to feign indifference when we hopped from jeweller to jeweller. I’d show some enthusiasm, but kept to the line of telling Emma that we didn’t have the money and that I wasn’t ready. She found a particular range she really liked; they weren’t engagement rings by name and were very unique. Emma asked what I thought and I turned my nose up right away – “Awful”, I said, “Can’t stand them”.

She was pretty angry that, once again, I had disliked something she liked. After all, I’d been doing this for months now. However, I actually quite liked one ring in the range. And I’d committed to memory the ring, the shop and most importantly, the price.

I found the ring on the internet and checked they did it in her size. In a moment of ridiculous foresight earlier in our relationship, we’d had our sizes checked by a jeweller – as I put it then: “for future reference”. Well I’d remembered, because I’m bloody good at remembering details.

I then impulsively went to Ernest Jones* on a lunch break in Kingston (*@ejonesjewellers on Twitter – surprisingly for High Street, they do top quality gear) and bought the very ring I saw and liked. They even had it in her size there and then (fate!) and it was taken home and hidden that day. I’m not showy enough to say how much it cost, but it was less than a month’s rent. My justification for breaking tradition? It was a ring she actually liked! This is crucial when deciding which ring to buy – Emma is notoriously picky (apart from choosing me) but hey, this is a ring both of us like, and if she’s going to wear it for the next xx years, I want to like what I see as well as her!

You know what was even better about the ring? Ernest Jones do an interest-free option – over eight months, it didn’t eat much into my disposable income, so she didn’t suspect a thing. And by buying the ring in May and not proposing until the end of August, I had already bought almost all of it when it was placed on Emma’s finger…

So, the proposal was terrifying, even though I was 99% sure that she would accept. It’s kind of like the first time you get up to do Karaoke, or speak in front of the whole school, but as with these examples, once it’s done you feel hugely relieved (before the panic you feel when you realise that you have just committed yourself to one women forever – eeek!).

A proud Rob in the place it happened – minutes earlier, I’d been kneeling there...

I went down on one knee – I reckon this is a must, unless you have a medical condition stopping you – I know Emma loved watching me struggle to get back up (dodgy knees you see) but there was nobody to see us and it was a lovely romantic moment for both of us. I did try to say a little speech thing, and got some words wrong, I think. Neither of us can honestly remember what was said – she tells me after she realised what I was doing she lost to plot a bit herself! Just goes to show actions do indeed speak louder than words eh? Anyway, we sat for a few minutes, took a photo of the place and then went to get a beer.

The moment we got back to the apartment complex (this was the first proper night of a two-week holiday) Emma started to draw up an invite list. With that realisation that Mr Frankenstein must have had when his creation became a monster, I took a few deep breaths and sat down to help her out…

I am on Twitter (@RobKedge) as is my wonderful bride-to-be (@A_Future_Wife) – please follow us for more wedding help and news, or just to be friendly!

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