Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I would first like to introduce myself; my name is Greg, though most
of you know me better as Greggy.

Last year, after Pete, and Daniela's engagement party and after many beers with Pete, Pete stealthily and
tactically accosted me when I was a little bit merry and asked me to be his best
man. It wasn't until the cold sobering light of dawn I quite realised the
daunting task he had set me. 

So firstly! I would like to start by proposing a toast to the bridesmaids who look absolutely beautiful
today and done a great job. Please join me in raising a glass to Tracey and
Emma.

Thank you all for coming today and helping to make Pete and Daniela's wedding day a memorable and
special occasion. I would now like to share a few of my own special memories of
Pete with you.

HOW I MET PETE - I moved to Southampton to escape from
my hometown and move on from crazy drunken nights in the West Midlands, but
after sharing a crate of beer with my new neighbour Pete on the first night in
student halls I realised that I might as well give up any thoughts of the quiet
life I had planned.

This photo was taken back in 1997 when we were fresh-faced innocent students in student halls and shows we
had a very close relationship from the start.

[Show photo one]

And nearly 15 years later we’re still best mates and as you can see not much has changed in our
relationship apart from Pete looking a lot older.

[Show photo two]

Pete went on to become an important fixture in my life as my best mate and drinking buddy. We spent many nights out visiting the student union, the local pubs, nightclubs and attended many gigs and festivals together. There are many tales of embarrassing things and debauched stories to tell from over the years…. I just wish I could remember most of them. And the embarrassing stories I do remember fondly of Pete I cannot mention as I was normally at his side and this speech isn't about humiliating myself.

It has been hard to do the usual character assassination on Pete. Mainly due to my memory losses which some might say from Pete's bad influence on me, but one of the things that do spring to mind is that Pete is very organised and the many festivals we have attended over the years were always made easier by him never forgetting to bring a flag to make sure we all managed to find camp safely. And who can forget the gay bar gazebo he created at Glastonbury that became a talking point for those around us.

But there is one thing I will always remember about Pete for from over the years and that is he took the role of my protector and was usually the person carrying me home at the end of a drunken night out.

Now Daniela, I know Pete won’t have to carry you home at the end of late drunken night out. But I do know he will always be there for you in the future as your protector, just as he was always there for me.

And luckily for me these I don’t get drunk anymore (drink from glass)

Some time ago Pete asked me my views on marriage. I was very flattered, and though it is legal now, I told him he should concentrate more on Daniela. I was thrilled when he made the right decision and asked Daniela to marry him.

As we all know Daniela is a great animal lover, and will be the first person to come to the aid of a poor and helpless creature – which was very lucky for Pete.

I’d like to now thank Daniela's dad for putting on such a wonderful reception this evening and I’m sure you’ll all agree the food was magnificent. I would like to thank all the staff here as well and it's good to see Pete being so courteous to all the waiters. Sadly however this hasn’t always been the case.

One night at a curry house when Pete was, let's say, tired and emotional, actually very tired and emotional. Well lets be honest he was drunk. After the meal at the curry house the waiter bizarrely brought over what looked like a bowl of rice and placed it on the table. Pete explained to the waiter that he hadn’t ordered any rice and told him to take it back; the waiter looked back at him with a confused expression on his face. Pete assumed that this must have been a language barrier due to the waiter being Indian, so Pete repeated slowly and clearly back to the waiter, WE DIDN’T ORDER ANY RICE, PLEASE TAKE IT BACK. Then the waiter replied to Pete, slowly and very deliberately VERY GOOD SIR, BUT THESE ARE HAND TOWELS.

Finally I can't let this speech pass without a mention of the character trait we all know and love Pete for – his legendary grumpiness.

This week I texted some of Pete's close friends asking them to sum up Pete in one word, I’ll now read some of them to you.

Grumpy

Angry

Boisterous

Grumpy

Drunk

Special

Sexy – ah this one is from you Pete

But I think today we can say goodbye to grumpy Pete, as we see him here with his beautiful new wife, Daniela, looking the happiest I have ever seen him.

 I would like to raise a glass to toast the happy couple and let's drink to their continuing happiness – Pete and Daniela!

I've consulted my solicitor, and she says the terms of my parole mean the schoolteacher thing is a definite no-no.