Pity, as I'm sure you will, Michael Race from Manchester, who after marrying his new wife Amy at Scotland's romantic Comlongon Castle, got through the speech to make the classic groom's mistake of tearing his manhood on a rusty nail from a bench. ""I thought he must have had too much to drink and went over to tell him to put it away," said Amy. 17 stitches later, she was convinced otherwise.

And so on.

You can have the largest member in the world, but once it's torn on a rusty nail, if it looks and works like this, you're probably not too happy with it: