Your Engagement Party Questions Answered

I’ve popped the question. Do I need to have an engagement party?

In a word: no. But before you stop reading, let us just say there are many benefits to having an engagement party, not the least of which being the excuse to have a good piss up.

What will it cost?

Depends on the type of party, but this is definitely one aspect of the wedding in which it’s fine to be cheap and cheerful.

I like that.

We thought you would.

What’s the biggest benefit then?

Bonding those parents, baby. There’s a good chance that the two sets will not have met before this point, so here’s your chance to get them mixing in an informal social environment.

All the key players in your wedding are likely to be there, from best man and bridesmaids onwards. They’re all people who’ll need to cooperate with each other in some way as you plan your big day, so it’s good to get them mixing.

Who hosts the party?

Traditionally it’s the parents of the bride, but as you’ll probably find out, weddings are increasingly planned and financed by the couple themselves. There are no hard and fast rules with engagement parties so feel free to stamp your own personality all over it (which gives the parents a good indication that you know how to plan and execute a party), but it’s likely you’ll end up soaking up much of the cost.

What kind of party is it?

Up to you: it might be a sit down meal in a restaurant, a house party, a back garden barbecue or a cocktail party at a glitzy venue. It can be a daytime event, but more typically it’s an evening do.

Who should I invite?

It’s expected that the people at to the engagement party will be invited to the wedding too, so consider it an early draft of the core wedding guestlist and stick to family and close friends. A small, intimate gathering is fine, and people who would have to travel great distances shouldn’t be expected to come as they’ll have to fork out for transport for the wedding.

Do I need to send out formal invitations?

It’s totally up to you. Email invites and phone calls are fine if you think they are.

When should I do it?

Typically, you should hold the engagement party up to three months after the proposal, and anything over six months before the wedding.

Will I get gifts?

Probably not, but it might be a good time to distribute details of your wedding gift list, so have a think about that before the party. The gift count can be upped considerably if you accompany the engagement party with a US-style bridal shower, the word ‘shower’ being used in the ‘shower me with gifts’ sense of the word.

Should there be speeches?

Yes, but not a full-on wedding speech. You should take this as an opportunity to formally announce your engagement. It’s a focal point for the evening and a Kodak moment for the guests. It’s traditional for the father of the bride and the groom to make toasts, and other guests should feel free to chip in too.

And there’s an added bonus here because you get a preview of which guests might be likely to heckle during the wedding speeches. If anyone shows themselves up to be a royal pain in the bum at the engagement party, they can assume they’ve just bought themselves a ticket to the far table at the wedding reception.

Do I need to hire entertainment?

Up to you. But don’t spend too much money on the engagement party if it’s to the detriment of the wedding itself.

What else is in it for me?

A bit of damage control. If everything goes horribly wrong and the evening ends in a fracas, you have a handy sneak preview of potential troublemakers on the big day. If you know who’s likely to behave like a hooligan, you can work out ways of keeping warring factions apart.

OK, I’m sold.

Great. Can we come?

You could, but do bear in mind this is a fictional conversation you’re having with yourself.

Understood. See you there.

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