Wisdom Distilled From 100 Dads
Dads. Everyone loves dads. And yet what do we give them to commemorate this love? Once a year we give them a rubbish mug. And what do they give us in return: solid gold advice 365 days a year.
Dads give you a warm glow. And pocket money.
We’ve been all over the internet, calling upon our contacts and devoted readership far and wide to impart the greatest father to groom (or in some cases, bride) wisdom available. From the revelatory to the rather ill-advised, here’s a grand collection of readers’ dads’ pearls of wisdom. (Plus we nicked some off Twitter and The Simpsons.)
Perhaps Colin’s dad said it best when he leaned in close to his little girl just as he was about to proudly walk her down the aisle and said, “Can we make this quick because the dog’s getting restless in the back of the car.” True.
- “”Don’t fight over money because there is never enough to go around anyway.” – Sam Landers, Staggered Reader
- “Never go to bed angry, even if you are not happy with the conditions.” – Melanie, Staggered Reader
- “Engagement rings are pointless. Indians gave cows…Oh sorry, congrats on proposing. We good now? Can I finish my indian story?” – www.twitter.com/shitmydadsays
- “Take your time son. Another day of you not getting married is another day I don’t have to change out of sweat pants.” – www.twitter.com/shitmydadsays
- “Marriage is not always 50/50. Some days you will wake up and may have to give 90% and your spouse will give 10%. Other days you may wake up and give 25% and your husband will have to put in the 75%. I never thought of this before but it is so true.” – Roger, Staggered Reader
- “Like Churchill said, just don’t have breakfast together if you can help it.” – Tom, Staggered Reader
- “You’re not truly married until you understand every word his wife is not saying.” – Charlie, Staggered Reader
- “Faults are thick where love is thin.” – Melinda, Staggered Reader
- “Love one another and be happy – it’s as simple and as utterly difficult as that.” – Michael Leuning
- “Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.” – Anon
- “Marriage is grand, divorce is 10 grand.” – Neil, Staggered Reader
- “You’re going to have to buy flowers. Buying flowers might prove you’re guilty, but the consequences of not buying flowers will be much worse.” – Andrew, Staggered Reader
- I’m glad you’re doing this, I was getting fed up of your bachelor’s life.” – Ryan, Staggered Reader
- “What happens on the Stag Do stays on the Stag Do.” – Matthew, Staggered Reader
- “Don’t trip over” – Sarah, Staggered Reader
- “I wish this bloody thing would hurry up, I want my dinner.” – Sarah, Staggered Reader
- At the height of planning my wedding to, and when my grooms frustration reached it peak, my father took me to one side and said “You know all the times when you’ve imagined scoring an FA Cup winning goal at Wembley or taking 5 wickets at Lords or playing the closing set at Glastonbury or whatever you imagine when your brain goes in to its screensaver mode… Well for every time you’ve imagined something like that which will never happen, she’s imagined this wedding day and that will – so be patient and cut her some slack – it’ll be worth it in the end”. He’s a genius, my father!” - Jim, Staggered Reader
- “Marriage is an institution and that’s where you end up.” – Claire, Staggered Reader (admittedly quoting Les Dawson…)
- “You look like the last girl he was engaged to.” – David, Staggered Reader
- “Stay single, you won’t regret it. But this one’s alright.” – Louis, Staggered Reader
- “Try and marry someone who’ll help you be the best you can possibly be.” – Phillip, Staggered Reader
And daddy hearts you too.
- “You never suited a bachelor life.” – Andy, Staggered Reader
- “A nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.” – Homer Simpson.
- “Never underestimate your fertility.” – Andy, Staggered Reader
- “Keep your flesh and blood in shape, but don’t forget you heart.” – Martin, Staggered Reader
- “Don’t be a baby if you can’t be a father.” – Lindsay, Staggered Reader
- “Never love anything that won’t love you back. I don’t think you need to be assured of that now though.” – Martin, Staggered Reader
- “For a happy marriage, know when to speak, and when to shut up.” – Chris, Staggered Reader
- “You’ll get back what you put in.” – Chris, Staggered Reader
- “She’s marrying you hoping you’ll change, and I’ll wage a fair bet you’re hoping she won’t!” – Laurence, Staggered Reader
- “Can we hurry this along if possible, the dog’s getting restless back in the car.” – Colin, Staggered Reader
- “Don’t forget the in laws. You always need to keep an eye on them.” – Tom, Staggered Reader
- “Keep in touch. Your Mother says a son’s a son until he takes a wife.” – Luka, Staggered Reader
- “Your house doesn’t rest upon the ground, but upon your woman.” – Tom, Staggered Reader
- “Remember, other circumstances change, but things start and end with family.” – Chris, Staggered Reader
- “He seems like a nice lad, he always has done, and I’m glad you’re marrying him. But remember, if needs be, I’ll bash his head in.” – Lucy, Staggered Reader
- “Opportunity knocks for everyone, but you’re smart, you’ve given a good woman a ring.” – Alex, Staggered Reader
- “She’ll be like her Mother before you know it, so get cracking.” – Frank, Staggered Reader
- “Trust her instincts from now on, unless you’re out fishing. Speaking of, what are you doing when you get back from your Honeymoon?” – Frank, Staggered Reader
Ahhhhhhh
- “Trust a woman’s instinct more than any man’s reason.” – Chris, Staggered Reader
- “Anytime you need to head up to your room, let me know, I’ll create a welcome distraction.” – Frank, Staggered Reader
- “Good luck tonight, remember to start as you mean to go on!” – Tom, Staggered Reader
- “Like Churchill said… just never have breakfast together. But have her bring you toast.” – Al, Staggered Reader
- “If you need to quieten her down from now on, don’t ever tell her to shut up. Just tell her that her lips look beautiful when closed.” – Frank, Staggered Reader
- “Remember, she does want something for her birthday.” – Al, Staggered Reader
- “She’s always going to be wrong until she cries and then she’s right instantly.” – Al, Staggered Reader
- “They don’t go as heavy on the old Religious side as they used to, but he’s still watching so careful as you step.” – Louis, Staggered reader
- “Don’t share the bathwater.” – Marie, Staggered Reader
- “The two cornerstones of a wonderful marriage are chocolate and compromise.” – Marie, Staggered Reader
- “Keep falling in love with the same person, as often as possible.” – Marie, Staggered Reader
- “Really explore the children issue. Yes, it’s an issue.” – Jim, Staggered Reader
- “Kiss, kiss and keep kissing.” – Kirsty, Staggered Reader
- “Be thoughtful of each other, always.” – Stewart, Staggered Reader
- “Hurry up now the weddings over, I hear your Mother wants to paint a spare room.” – Louis, Staggered reader
- “Be PC, just have two kids.” – Louis, Staggered Reader
- “Lots of massages.” – Anthea, Staggered Reader
- “Respect all sides. It’s not always greener on any of the others.” – Steve, Staggered Reader
- “Cook together. Even if neither of you can’t, it’s a bonding experience.” – Steve, Staggered Reader
- “Pay. Attention.” – John, Staggered Reader
- “Give it 150, all the time, anytime. It’s not 50/50 anymore.” – Chris, Staggered Reader
- “Compromise, always find a compromise.” – Brian, Staggered Reader
- “Live long and prosper.” – Alex, Staggered Reader (“Yes, he did quote Spock.”)
- “Can you point out what I’ve paid for and what I haven’t?” – Darren, Staggered Reader
- “Keep seeing it as one big, long committed date.” – Marie, Staggered Reader
- “Follow your dreams together.” – Lucy, Staggered Reader
- “Stay together, but keep your interests apart.” – Alf, Staggered Reader
- “Keep the kids out of it, before they even arrive if you can.” – Alf, Staggered Reader
- “Don’t assume any of this is easy from now on.” – Ali, Staggered Reader
- “I hope you know who wants what newspaper supplement and when, that’s vital.” – Laura, Staggered Reader
- “If they love something get to the bottom of why.” – Laura, Staggered Reader
- “Make their dreams yours.” – Terry, Staggered Reader
- “Look in the same direction together.” – Louis, Staggered Reader
- “I promise you’ll never see a lot of these people again for a while. Let em’ have the free buffet and you can scram.” – Alf, Staggered Reader
- “It’s a good to have a different perspective on your partner, you’ve got to keep learning.” – Robert, Staggered Reader
- “How many toasters have you got? It’s good for luck nowadays.” – Alan, Staggered reader
- “Don’t cock it up.” – Alan, Staggered Reader
- My fiancé is Scottish and had only met my dad (who is a Belfast man) a hand full of times when he decided to ask me to marry him. We were visiting Belfast and at a neighbour’s house party when Gavin (fiancé) asked my Dad (Gerry) to step out into the garden for a minute. Gavin was incredibly nervous and so took a while to get to the point. When he said “Gerry I brought you out here to ask you a question” my Dad anticipated the situation and being the joker that he is… started to cry. Bemused Gavin was at a loss of what to do and asked what was wrong. To which my Dad replied “Your gonna cost me thousands of pounds!”. Poor Gavin was incredibly relieved when my Dad dropped the act and hugged him saying “Welcome to the family son.” – Naomi, Staggered Reader
What did we miss? Are you a dad and want to share your pearls of wisdom with the world? Want to tell us what your dad said on your wedding day – we’re all ears (i.e. stick it in the comments thread).
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