When Wacky Weddings Go Wrong
OK, we understand you’ve been to a gazllion identikit weddings over the last few years. We’ve been there too. Teary vows, a white dress, chewy chicken and dodgy DJs have become unavoidable parts of summer weekends for those of us in our mid-twenties and thirties.
Now it’s your turn, you want your wedding to be different; a little bit quirky, an expression of your individuality and a day your guests will look forward to and remember.
We applaud your quest for originality because different is definitely refreshing. However, knowing where to draw the line between original and downright insane is very important. But do not fear, we’re here to help.
We’ve put down the aforementioned line here at Staggered and listed a few wedding ideas that trample over that boundary into the strange world of wacky wedding shame and regret. Please avoid them at all costs.
Taking the fairy tale too far
Barbie and Ken
Cinderella marries her Prince Charming and the beautiful couple lives happily ever after in a delirious cloud of fairy dust and sugar-coated niceties.
The soppy sentiment is fine but trying to recreate the fairy tale look can be a recipe for a Jordan and Peter Andre sized disaster. Steer clear of glass Cinderella carriages drawn by white horses, a wedding dress that weighs more than the bride herself (Jordan’s weighed a record-breaking 160 kg) is definitely too much and if you find yourself warming to the idea of Andre inspired hair extensions, we suggest you reconsider the big day altogether and spend the wedding budget on therapy instead.
May the force (not) be with you
Type “Star Wars wedding” into a search engine and you’ll find you have pages and pages of hideous wedding day photographs and stories to wade through.
Groomsmen dressed as Storm Troopers, Yoda delivering the sermon, Darth Vader giving the bride away; what’s tragic is that it all seems surprisingly passé. It’s not original and it’s really not even that funny. Keep the wedding day classy and save the geeky fancy dress ideas for the stag do.
The naked truth
Wedding invitations where the dress code reads, “leave your clothes at home” have a distinct whiff of wacky. Very bad wacky. We understand that budgets are tight, but cutting all clothing and saying your vows starkers is a money-saving exercise too far.
If gratuitous nudity is your thing (and who are we to judge), spare your guests’ blushes and save your exhibitionist side for your honeymoon.
Virtual insanity
Do you honestly want to marry an avatar of your betrothed and broadcast the event to all your faceless friends across the blogosphere? You may have met whilst propping up a Second Life bar and sealed your affections over a series of passion-fuelled Tweets, but your wedding is time to leave your computer and iPhone switched off and the social media jargon at home.
The very fact that the word “Twedding” exists is mildly disturbing in itself but when you hear of a couple promising to “merge their hard drives” and rewriting their vows to read “to Follow you and Friend you” you really do have to wonder if romance is well and truly dead and buried.
Taking the “to death” line a bit too far
Oh darling! It's just as I imagined it. With your rotting colon on view and everything.
The Twilight phenomenon may have made blood sucking cool but when fake blood is towards the top of your wedding budget, you should hear the shrill sound of alarm bells ringing. Yes, your under-the-thumb mates may constantly remind you that their wedding day was the death of life as they knew it, but there’s no need to take their gloomy premonition literally. There are tasteful ways to bring a bit of gothic charm to your wedding attire (if you’re that way inclined) but zombie costumes are one way to suck the life out of your special day.
So you think you’re Jack Sparrow?
Your bride to be may be fixated with the gorgeous Johnny Depp but unless you’re a doppelgänger for the Hollywood star, you are unlikely to pull off the pirate look with any style. And even if you truly believe you make a dashing pirate, there is a strong argument for leaving roleplay for the privacy of your marital bedroom. Pirates are not exactly romantic after all – they steal, they rape and they drink far too much rum. Not exactly the characteristics of the perfect groom.
The moral of this wacky wedding journey is to remember that a wedding is for life not just for one day of amusement. The decisions you make now will stay with you. So before you order the plastic parrots or that bumper pack of lightsabers, maybe take a moment to consider this: is your freaky wedding going to be a day you’ll feel happy to look back on when you and your wife are reminiscing on your diamond anniversary?
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