When The Best Man Is A Woman
A female best man is, of course, a contradiction in terms, but if your best friend is a woman, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t ask her to do the job. Well, OK, there are a few reasons why it might complicate things.
The first, not always the most obvious, is that women get jealous. It’s probable that, female psychology being what it is, the woman you’re marrying isn’t madly keen on you having a close relationship, even platonic, with another woman.
Whether or not she’s already made that clear, she might not be over the moon to find another woman in the spotlight on her big day. A female best man is still an unusual thing and she will be more of a talking point than if she had dangly bits. Some brides dislike this kind of thing.
Even if your bride is totally happy for you to have a best girl who isn’t her, and some will be, the relationship between them is still bound to be a bit weird. “I was asked to be a best man because I had introduced my friend to the bride,” says Patricia. “It went fine, but the bride did take me aside beforehand to ask me what I was planning to say in the speech, and censor any stories that she thought were too risqué for her family. I don’t know whether she’d have done that if I were a man.”
Another problem is the stag do, which is traditionally organised by the best man. You’ll need to decide whether to bring a woman on the stag-do. On the plus side, they’re much more detail-oriented than men, so you shouldn’t have the bother of getting to the airport and realising that the best man has booked the wrong flights (a horror story that Staggered once heard of). On the minus side, it may be controversial with your male friends who want to let their hair/pants down, and/or lead to complicated sexual encounters that create issues for the wedding, and are the whole reason these things were segregated in the first place.
One solution may be to ask a male friend to organise the stag instead. Many best women won’t actually be too disappointed not to be spending a weekend with 15 lairy, drunken, off-the-leash men.
As wedding rules and protocol fall away best women are becoming increasingly common and clearly couples are allowed to choose exactly the day they want. But Staggered does wonder – if your closest friend, the one you have the most fun with, the person you could tell anything to, the one who makes you laugh, who you trust to meet and charm your family, if that person is a woman… aren’t you marrying the wrong one?
Brownie Points
- Think about whether your bride will be cool with a female best man, and if you’re not sure, ask her.
- If she’s not keen to share the limelight, offer to put the best woman in a trouser suit that matches yours. Unless your best woman looks like Natalie Portman (in which case, MARRY THE PORTMAN-A-LIKE), this should make her look quite rough. A rough-looking best woman is more than fine with most brides.
- If you’re rapidly going off the best woman idea, a nice way to recognise her significance in your life without it being such a big deal is to get her to be an usher. Female ushers happen too. Way.
What do you think? Can the best man be a woman? Have you had a female best man, if so why didn’t you marry her?
Related Stuff:
- Angry Single Woman: My Favourite Wedding Moments
- Should Brides Be Allowed To Make Speeches?
- Blog – I’m Getting Cold Feet
- Angry Single Woman: How To Have A Pre-Wedding Fling
- What The Bride Wants To Hear
I’m really not sure about this issue. I’m conflicted.
Sure, it’s reasonable that men and women can be friends (although – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFWGOKuFyjk) but the point that I keep coming back to is – if your best mate in the entire world is a woman, why isn’t she the one in the frilly white dress?
Well Andrew, it’s quite simple. There are the one’s you marry, and the one’s you shag. Quite often men get it so wrong and marry the wrong way round. I know. I’ve been the best woman. Without the sausage. Give it time, they generally wake up and realise. Usually too late.
Call me an old romantic but I think you can find ones you’d like to both shag and marry. And then you’ve truly found: The One.
HAHHAAHAHAHAHA, no I’m just kidding, it’s either/or.
Wouldn’t all men basically shag any woman? So I usually find it annoying rather than flattering when my male friends try it on. If you’ve been a best man and they haven’t tried to shag you, they must really be concentrating on not ruining your friendship. Which is quite sweet, I feel
“Wouldn’t all men basically shag any woman?” That’s offensive to the power of infinity. On behalf of all men everywhere I demand a retraction.
Name a woman who is no blood relation that you wouldn’t shag under any circumstances and I’ll take it back. Let’s say you’ve been going through a bit of a dry patch… like ten years… and Margaret Thatcher tries it on with you. Yes, you would
I’d totally bang Thatch, course I would. After all, she fucked us for so long it would be nice to give it back. Nice and slow. Yeah. You like that Thatch? Yeah. Squeal like a lift in a disused mineshaft. Yeah.
No, you’re right. All men would basically shag any woman. So it’s really not like that for women? What’s it like to have standards?
I’ll tell you what it’s like: wearying. Picture the scene: there you are, having a quiet pint with your best mate on a Wednesday night, and suddenly he leans in for a snog. WTF?
It’s been an education to see life from the other side. Thank-you, I feel more in touch with the sisterhood now.
Can I suggest that you beat any men in the direction of Margo as I’m relatively sure she’ll thank you for’t.
“No, you’re right. All men would basically shag any woman”
Would they? Why has my canal been dry for the last god knows how long, then?
Please, I can only assume that you are a walking goddess, give me some of your powers, or better still point those pork swords in my direction.
No really.
Hey folks, can I join in? Can I? Can I? Hey Mr. Shanahan! I agree. Except that my H2B did consider asking my godsister to be his best man-woman-man because, basically, she’s awesome and calls him “lovely Chris”. And I’m almost 100% sure he doesn’t want to shag her. I hope.
What about if said friend is a lesbian? Didn’t think of that now, did ye?
xx
P.s. I’m so happy that my avatar is a Henry.
Margo – are you sure you are on the correct site?
i’ve seen this both ways. one wedding, the bride had her gay best male friend as her man-of-honor. and another wedding where the groom had his best girl friend as his BM. i know for sure, the bride did NOT want to shag her Manbride. however, i’ve always wondered about the groom and his Bestgirl…they are awfully close.
oh, and the best girl DID organize the stag. she and couple of other girls took the groom to a strip joint and bought him lots of lap dances and shots of whiskey. was my first time at a strip joint..and my last.
our BM is grooms sister, who to be frank, looks mightily like a brother!
Leave your response!
Get Staggered Inside Your Inbox
Social Thingummy Hoohads
Meanwhile, over at the forum...
Staggered Thoughts
Posts From The Past!
Top Staggered Topics
UK Bride
Father of the Bride
Groom
Ushers
Wedding Guest
Wedding Planning
Wedding Advice
Wedding Sex
Honeymoon ideas
Unusual Wedding Gifts
Wedding Entertainment
Wedding Ceremony
Cold feet
Wedding Finances
Classic wedding cars
Contemporary Wedding Photography
Wedding Catering
Wedding nerves
Proposal Ideas
Marriage Proposals
Wedding Speeches
Mother in law jokes
Wedding jokes
Wedding Speaches
Stag do ideas
Stag fancy dress
Stag t shirts
Stag do pranks
Wedding Suppliers
Wedding Forum
Wedding Suits For Men
Wedding Wear
Male Grooming
The Latest Staggered Posts
Most Commented
Q: Can you sum Staggered up in a series of keywords? A: Sure.