What The Bride Wants To Hear

To continue our week of wedding speeches we thought we’d ask for a woman’s opinion on what the bride actually wants to hear from the groom’s speech.

It’s your big day tomorrow. Your suit is hanging perfectly pressed in your wardrobe, your wife-to-be has scurried off to start pampering herself to perfection, the flowers are on their way to the venue and the honeymoon bags are packed. Everything is ready. Well, except for your speech that is. And now in the calm before the wedding day frivolities, this is your moment to get down and prepare it.

You're so beautiful you could be a hand model.

So, you’ve thanked the guests for coming, thanked both sets of parents for being such rocks, complimented the bridesmaids and poked fun at the best man and ushers. Now, your pen is poised ready to do the difficult bit. You need to talk about your bride.

She’s the woman of your dreams but it’s not often you say that out loud. So, what do you say?

Make the bride look good

This should be in the back of your mind whatever you say. It’s the day she’s probably been dreaming of since she was a little girl. Today is not the day to point out her shortcomings and why you love her in spite of them. Even as a joke.

Months of diets, rampant exercise and religious application of miracle creams and potions have gone into making her look fabulous for your wedding day. Make sure you show appreciation for the end result (whilst failing to mention the effort, tears and tantrums that have gone into achieving it!)

Celebrate having a ‘wife’

Yes, there is nothing wrong with going for the traditional crowd pleaser – “On behalf of my wife and I …” (cue enthusiastic applause). Being called a wife for the first time has a heart-warming effect and a novelty value that you should feel free to milk to great effect in your speech.

Keep it positive

The word wife has plenty of negative connotations attached to it to that most brides would prefer you to avoid in your speech. It’s the whole “her indoors” syndrome. Most brides want to believe they will carry on being the exciting, sexy girlfriend in married life and not transform into the nagging missus as soon as you carry her over the threshold. And this is where many of the pre-prepared lines that you will find on guides to writing a groom’s speech fall foul.

For example:

“I had a speech worked out but, as I’m now married, my wife told me what to say instead.”

“Sally is kind, beautiful, funny… I would go on but I can’t read the bride’s handwriting.”

“No this is not my speech [referring to papers in his hand], it’s Anita’s list of things I can and can’t do now that we’re married.”

Most brides don’t want to be portrayed as this dragon woman. Especially on their wedding day. Even as a joke.

Keep the cheese mild

Step away from that book of love poetry. The groom’s speech needs to incorporate a bit of mush and sentimentality but keep it original. If what you say becomes nothing more than a series of slushy, predictable one-liners that we’ve all heard before, the sincerity is lost. They’re the wedding equivalent of the chat up line. And they inspire a similar gagging response. For example, classics you may choose to avoid include -

“It’s not often you get to marry your best friend, well today, that’s exactly what I’m doing.”

“They say you don’t marry someone you can live with; you marry the person who you can’t live without. And I think you’ll agree that sums us up perfectly.

Pass the sick bucket!

It’s time to be personal

Wearing your heart on your sleeve is something you may be uncomfortable with. But your bride is likely to appreciate a little bit of emotional honesty on your special day. The style in which you present this is down to you. If you know your bride would blush as much as you at the thought of a soppy recital of her amazing-ness, why not make it a more amusing account of your love instead.

What made you fall for her? What are the little things she does that make you love her so much? How does she make you laugh? In what ways has your life been enhanced by her? (Yes, girls like to feel needed!)

And a heart-warming story that illustrates these qualities is sometimes the most sincere way to do this.

Leave your skeletons in the closet

Your wedding day is about your relationship with your bride and your future together. So, to prevent your bride shifting uncomfortably in her seat, avoid all references to previous girlfriends. Especially the ones that may be in the room.

We all have histories. There’s nothing wrong with that. But on your wedding day the bride wants to be seen as the only woman in your life, so cheap jokes such as “my wife, or as I prefer to call her ‘my most recent ex-girlfriend’”, are going to be mood killers.

And finally, it’s all in the delivery

When you’re talking about your bride, speak to her. Look her in the eye (if your strong enough to hold back the tears). She wants to feel like the only person in your world at that moment. And prepare to make her blub… for the right reasons.

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