We’re From Different Religions – How Can We Get Married?
We’re from different religions – how can we bridge the gap and find the perfect ceremony?
This is a very good question, and a tough one, in that you’re at the sharp end of inter-faith dialogue.
On the one hand, every major faith supports marriage and so there should be a way through that works: on the other hand, there are fundamental differences between faiths. Even those respectful of other faiths have to see the difference: as the old Bishop of Southwark once put it, “I respect Islam, but their insight into God is not my insight.” And this remark holds true for marriage too.
This difference of insight about God infuses the texts: for example, in a Church of England service, at one point, you ask “Father, Son and Holy Spirit” to witness you as you put on the ring. Now this may sound innocuous, but a good Muslim just won’t buy that: for them, the Trinity of Father, Son and Holy Spirit is the exact way in which Christianity has gone wrong. Yet us Christians can’t just take it out of the text: it’s there for a reason. Buy you’ve got to get married somehow!
I think the first thing is to say that inevitably one faith has got to be the ‘lead’. For example, I would be very happy to have a Hindu priest leading some Hindu prayers in a Church, but these would have to be additional i.e. not replacing any of the main Church texts. I would also seek to acknowledge in some way that the prayers being said by the Hindu priest there were distinct from the Christian prayers.
And I speak as someone who’s quite liberal about these things: other vicars might just say, “look, it’s a Christian wedding and other faiths slotting in just doesn’t work”. On the other hand, those same vicars might be happy to be the visitor, instead of the host e.g. go to a Hindu temple, where the wedding would take place, and say a few prayers of Christian blessing there. He or she won’t not want to pray for you. But it will vary very much on the personal theology of the priest involved. Not how nice they are, but how they believe God wants us to worship Him. Big stuff!
So first decide which will be the “host faith”. Then start the dialogue. If you choose a church, the vicar may be able to work creatively with you and the other faith representative to make something special and unique for you. Certainly, I know of some lovely ‘fusion’ services, especially between Jews and Christians, because there is such a lot of overlap there anyway.
At the same time, there may well be a few hitches along the way and ask the vicar about it at an early stage, because he or she may just feel it doesn’t make sense for them to get involved with. This may mean that you are trampling on the sensitivities of a devout aunt or mother-in-law or whatever, but in a way it can’t be helped. Inter-faith dialogue is tricky and what you’re seeking is an inter-faith service, which is trickier still.
Best of luck. I hope you find something that works for you.
Robert Stanier
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