Wedding Speech Etiquette

If you’re puzzling over wedding speech etiquette then let us help you: it’s half common-sense (which are the bits you follow – full run down at the bottom of the article) and half nonsense (which are the bits you ignore).

The most important aspect to remember about wedding speech etiquette is that you remember what etiquette is. It’s not a list of rules that unless you follow them will cause the Queen to explode (which would be brilliant you have to admit), they’re a list of conventions that are widely agreed that if we follow them will make for a pleasant and agreeable life.

You've made the Queen really angry.

So, all this fretting about whether you’ll toast in the right direction, remove your hat at the right point, or hold your finger at the right angle when drinking is so much nonsense, that you can safely ignore it. The fact is that none of those things will make people upset and if they do, then potentially those people deserve upsetting.

The only time you might want to brush up on the very formal wedding speech etiquette is if you’re heading to an extremely formal ceremony involving royalty, or anyone else who takes themselves too seriously.

If this is the case then there’s a simple answer. The wedding will have a Master of Ceremonies, speak to the groom or venue some time in advance to find out who it is. Contact him (not being sexist – it’s nearly always a bloke), tell him your concerns and he’ll walk you through everything you need to do. If for some reason they can’t help then have a chat to the Guild of Toastmasters and they can usually answer any questions you’ve got.

When it comes to normal weddings, all you have to do to not fall foul of etiquette is make sure your speech does what it’s supposed to (check our how to write your wedding speech article for full details) and then deliver it in a reasonable and composed way (you could also check our wedding speech confidence course). That’s it.

Hopefully, this will have helped you debunk the myth of wedding speech etiquette, but if not we do have our top 7 common sense rules for wedding speech etiquette:

1. At no point say, bellow or sing the word “shitspangle”.
2. Don’t be so drunk that you say, bellow or sing the word “shitspangle”.
3. Wait politely for the room to come to order before beginning your speech, don’t shout, “Shut up you bunch of shitspangles.”
4. Look smart, tuck your shirt in, keep your jacket on (better for sweat patch coverage anyway), check you have nothing in your teeth and don’t wear a headband bearing the word “shitspangle”.
5. When speaking maintain a confident and relaxed posture. Don’t slump, jangle change in your pocket or do an interpretive dance so that when people ask you what you’re supposed to be you say, “I thought that would be obvious, I’m a shitspangle.”
6. Don’t fiddle with your speech (which should be a neat, new copy, not daubed with notes or shitspangle, dog-eared and ripped), hold it firmly and confidently, project to the back of the room, make eye contact with your audience and smile.
7. Can’t tell whether a joke is too bawdy for your speech? Go and tell it to a grandmother, then tell it to a seven-year-old child. If either of them look angry, cry or vomit then it’s wayyyyy off track.

Good hunting.

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