Wearing Trainers With Your Wedding Suit

We’ve been looking at alternative wedding wear this week and one topic that came up in conversation in the office was the age old suit and trainers combo. A classic look on a night out, but not for your wedding day, surely?

Dan Stubbs channelled his inner Thespian and decided to make a drama out of it.

And, scene!

BEST MAN: Hey, nice suit mate. Grey, good choice. Have you got a nice pair of black dress shoes to go with it?

GROOM: Nope.

BEST MAN: Brown shoes then?

GROOM: Nope.

BEST MAN: Tan?

GROOM: Nope.

BEST MAN: Nope? What colour shoes are you wearing then?

GROOM: I’m not going to be wearing shoes.

BEST MAN: Say wha–?

GROOM: I’m wearing trainers.

BEST MAN: Noooooo!

GROOM: What do you mean, nooooo!? It’s what I want to do. And it’s trendy. Loads of people are doing it these days. Get with the times.

BEST MAN: Loads of idiots are doing it. Give me three good reasons why you’d want to wear trainers with a suit.

GROOM: Comfort, cool, Converse.

BEST MAN: Is Converse a reason?

GROOM: No, I just wanted to make it three Cs, and I could only think of two.

BEST MAN: I can think of another one.

GROOM: Comfort’s an important one though. I’m going to be on my feet all day – I don’t want to be spending it in agony.

BEST MAN: Not all shoes are uncomfortable, and you can get insoles if they start to hurt.

GROOM: Yeah, but there’s still the cool factor. Don’t you think trainers will make me look cool?

BEST MAN: No, it’ll make you look like old uncle funky pants Sir Paul McCartney trying to pretend he’s still young.

GROOM: Nah, he’s old, I’m not. I’d look more like Timberlake. Trainers are a legitimate alternative to the shoe. I’m an individual! Don’t try and impose your old fashioned ideas on me, daddio.

BEST MAN: I just think you’ll look like you’re running to a court date. Every so often you’ve got to smarten up all the way, and this is one of those occasions.

GROOM: But the suit I’ve chosen is a young-looking cut. It’s not like I’m wearing trainers and tails. Besides, it’s my wedding day, I can do what I want.

BEST MAN: It is your wedding day, but it’s also your fiancé’s. How would you like it if she wore jogging pants under her wedding dress?

GROOM: I wouldn’t mind if I couldn’t see them.

BEST MAN: Exactly, but she will be able to see your manky old trainers.

GROOM: They’re not manky ones, I’ve bought a brand new pair especially for the occasion.

BEST MAN: So they’ll be even shinier and even more conspicuous.

GROOM: Er, the term is “boxfresh”… Besides, I’ve spoken to the future wife and she’s totally cool with the idea.

BEST MAN: Bet your mum won’t be though. I’m sorry, I feel I’m letting you down in my best manly duties if I let you do this. If you truly intend to wear trainers with your wedding suit, I’m going to do one of three things: burn them, throw them in the canal or shove them where the sun doesn’t shine.

GROOM: Seems a bit harsh. Listen, I’ll cut a deal with you: we’ll go and have a look for some shoes and if I feel as good in them as I do in my trainers, I’ll consider a swap, but it might just be for the ceremony and the photos. But as part of the deal, you have to try on some matching trainers to see if you could bear to wear them. And then we’ll talk about extending it to the whole wedding party…

BEST MAN: In the spirit of compromise, I’ll say OK.

GROOM: Great. Now, where do you stand on baseball caps?

Le Fin.

Applause, bouquets, etc.

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