Thought For Food

As previously (albeit very briefly) mentioned, one of our wedding surprises was the food. It was important to us that no-one knew what the food was so they got this ‘nice’ surprise upon being seated.

Pudding was a big favourite amongst the guests.

On the whole, we were pretty successful in our aims. When people did (eventually) sit down and pick up the menu card, they were surprised by ‘Cod Battered in Hogs Back Ale, Hand Cut Chips, Mushy Peas and Tartar Sauce’ and ‘Homemade Beef Burger with Gherkin, Tomato Relish and Hand Cut Chips’.

Yes, that’s right, for our wedding, you got fish’n’chips or a hamburger.

The veggies got something special too. But, you know, they were too weak to even read the menu so it was inconsequential.

The surprise element caused enough problems by itself, as we had to somehow find out which people wanted for their choice well in advance. Easy enough, you’d think, but when people are faced with the choice of ‘Fish or Beef?’, most will assume: ‘Oh, they’re having good ol’, perfectly nice, perfectly safe, perfectly cooked and presented roast beef. Or I could have some ridiculously over-elaborate, dangerous, salamonella-incubating week-old fish that I’ve never even heard of’. The compiled list of food looks a bit one-sided to say the least: fish for me, and seventy-nine burgers.

However, we couldn’t tell people what they were having as that would have ruined the whole thing for us. Thus, we embarked on a cunning plan of:

(a) Asking again, as though we were stupid and had forgotten what they’d asked for but this time putting, rather subtly: “FISH or beef?  I recommend the FISH!” (Probably due to that subtle phrasing, Mr Dan’s-Mate-With-Literally-No-Fear-Of-Death replied with ‘No, it’s okay. We’ll have the beef, thanks’ and,

(b) Not even offering the choice to people we thought would like fish and chips and just giving them it.

Anyway, as I was one of the ‘special’ guests, I had baked beans with mine. Who really *likes* peas, when you think about it?

A word of thanks to the venue’s staff at this point. Any number of guests could have kicked up a fuss about the wrong choice but the waiting staff used the table plan to perfection, just coming out and giving everybody what we’d assigned them. Except Mrs Dan’s-Cheeky-Uni-Mate, who didn’t fancy the burger after seeing cod’n’chips on the menu.

We started with a lovely broccoli soup before this most posh of main courses but then finished with a clever bit of puddingery: a trio of desserts. This was a good way to go, we believed, because three puddings, with three sauces, means everyone should at least have something they enjoy, rather than the one option, many of which may just be left.

Our three were a trio of sponge puddings: sticky toffee pudding with butterscotch sauce, spotted richard with custard and chocolate sponge with chocolate sauce. They were all divine. Most importantly, the whole meal got a big thumbs up from nearly everyone there.

Let’s not count my gran. She makes a rod for her own back sometimes.

The evening buffet was bacon butties, chip butties, egg butties and chicken satay. Bacon AND egg butties were available, if you used your initiative. Not that the bride and groom had any of the buffet, being caught up in their wedding day and all. I’m typing this as if I’m not bothered, incidentally, but I still have a massive grievance that I didn’t have anything. It’s more of a chip on the shoulder really. It had been quite a chip-themed wedding by then, so why change anything.

The fantastic dinner was only ruined by no-one turning up

Anyway, how we arrived at this wonderful inspiration and, for us, one of the major successes of the day was during the initial ‘walk-round’ and chats with various wedding venues. The ‘something-a-bit-different’ idea appealed to both of us and we thought an unusual thing was a bit of our personality put into the culinary.

It did seem a bit out-there at first, but after discussions with the venue’s wedding co-ordinator and catering manager, it became apparent that their wedding menu contained only suggestions and was not set in stone. They would do anything we wanted. They did say ‘it may cost a bit more, but it’s your day.’ In fact, the catering manager got quite excited by the idea, and seemed to think that the chef and his team would appreciate doing something a bit different and thus, we thought, the food would taste better if the team are having fun. To be frank, the food tasted so good, the whole kitchen can only have been tap-dancing and lambada-ing around the stoves, singing in perfect harmony. Not having to serve up yet another ‘chicken in whatever wine’ that is the staple of most weddings, must do wonders for morale.

Included in the cost of the venue was a tasting session for us. You got one free each; subsequent ones available for £28 each. We only needed the one. We selected two soups, two mains and two desserts for tasting and turned up one Tuesday evening after work in preparation for our final selection. And it’s a free dinner, isn’t it?

So, I started with my butternut squash soup. It was lovely, but it was a very thick, wintery soup designed to warm the cockles. I was already quite full up because of this, but thought I’d better try Mrs Dan-To-Be’s broccoli soup for quality control purposes. It was perfect for the starter on what would potentially be a hot summer afternoon. We decided there and then to go with that for the wedding.

Next up, the legendary fish and chips. It was absolutely spot-on. I would go as far as to say probably the best cod’n’chips I’ve *ever* had. I wolfed it down, even though that time it came with mushy peas. So, now I was a lot fuller than I had been before. But, you know, thought I’d better have some of Mrs Dan-To-Be’s beefburger and chips for quality control purposes. It was very nice, but we had the same concerns: it just wasn’t special enough for our wedding. It was handmade but had been through a burger press which took away some of that crumble-in-your-mouth texture of hand-squashed burgers.

Dan's glasses fell off as he tried to focus on the guests

(Kudos to the venue, as they put this right at our very next meeting, allowing Mrs Dan-To-Be to scoff her now-perfect main course down in front of the eyes of the salivating wedding venue co-ordinator, the salivating wedding planner and, finally and most heartlessly, the salivating groom-to-be.)

Finally, they brought out two desserts. My eyes lit up. Close to bursting already, as they laid down my trio of sponge puddings, I thought “I’ll be buggered if I’m leaving any of that!” and proceeded to tear through all three sponges using all three sauces with each. I politely refrained from complaining when Mrs Dan-To-Be tasted these, but I wasn’t particularly happy at losing any part of them. You’ve got to have boundaries.

My stomach, at this point, was literally fuller than it had ever been. But, you know, as self-appointed quality control officer, it was my duty to, you know, test Mrs Dan-To-Be’s dessert… ahem… three desserts…  erm… trio of cheesecakes.

Only once in my life have I been physically in pain from eating too much food. It lasted well, well into that night…

[All photos are (c) Rosey Pink Weddings]

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