Surviving The Stag-Do: Damage Limitation
So your stag do is looming ominously on the horizon. You’re up for some fun, sure, but, quite understandably, you want to make sure you’re only mildly humiliated, not killed in the line of duty.
Your opponent in this scenario is the best man. He wants to give you – and the other stags – a night to remember, a night that involves ritual humiliation, borderline-legal activities and, more than likely, copious amounts of groom-to-be nudity. To ensure the mutual satisfaction of both parties, some prior thought and cooperation is necessary.
“The Chat”
Any conversation named “the chat” is never going to be easy, but it’s a good idea to let the best man know what your boundaries are.
“I chose a best man who I’ve known since I was a kid, and who knows I’d kill him if he left me chained to a lamppost,” says Ben, a soon-to-be married 28 year-old. “We spoke about the limits of my endurance before the event and it passed without major incident. No male nudity, no comedy strippers, no problem.”
The flipside of ‘the chat’ is that the best man, incensed at being asked to relinquish some control, might decide to go all out and unleash stag night Babylon. If that happens, well, hey, perhaps you picked the wrong guy.
Stagger it
An essential (and, these days, ubiquitous) precaution is to stagger the date of the stag do to a comfortable distance before the wedding – ideally enough time for an indelible marker gringo moustache to work itself off the face. Hilarious scenes involving naked stags running to the church carrying sawn off railings might make for a good TV cliché, but you don’t want it happening in real life.
Consider past precedents
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” said a wise Biblical man, and there’s a lesson in there for all prospective stags. If your best man is returning the favour, think back to his stag night. Whatever you did to him, he’ll want to give it back ten times worse. So if you let rip on his stag night, some serious buttering up may be required.
The secret weapon
If you suspect that your pleas are going in one ear and out the other, it may be time to unleash a secret weapon. Tell the best man you will be inviting your new father-in-law along, or her brother, or your granddad, or – best of all – the vicar. Basically, anyone who’s likely to be mortally offended at staggish excess or who runs the risk of having a coronary when the stripper shows up. No matter how much your stag longs to see you in a compromising situation, he won’t want to actually ruin future Christmases with the wife’s family.
Go classy
If you’re worried about being covered in whipped cream by a granny in a PVC nurse’s uniform, suggest to the best man that you have the stag night in an upmarket club or pub where such activities are likely to see you given the boot. And don’t forget, you can always skip the drinkathon and have an adventure stag weekend instead.
What, a picture?
In today’s web-addicted world, you can barely pick your nose without someone filming it, posting it on YouTube and LOL-ing at you in the comments. Given that employers, future employers, bank managers and even your gran might conceivably negotiate to your Facebook page, it may be a good idea to impose a no cameras rule on the proceedings as a safety net. We’ve heard of stag-dos where people’s phones have been collected at the beginning of the do and returned at the end, bit extreme but worth considering.
Finally, don’t forget you’re free to tell us about all the gory details – we can change names.
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