Surviving The Stag-Do – Booze Basics
Among the many expectations placed on a groom-to-be, one of the hardest to shirk responsibility for is the notion that you should drink your bodyweight in booze on the stag do. In today’s hard-drinking culture, stag nights can be like an alcoholic assault course, a marathon of pints, shots and strange, flaming drinks that account for lost memories and missing eyebrows the following morning.
Whether you’re the don of the local rugby club bar or a Pimm’s and lemonade guy, it’s worth knowing the risks before you get glugging. The last thing Staggered wants is for anyone to get hurt through over-consumption. Remember, you’re not just strangers to us, you’re valuable web traffic who we can sell to associated advertisers and, heck, we’d miss you if you died.
BOOZE: WE’RE ALL AT IT
According to recent reports, alcohol will claim over 90,000 lives in Britain in the next decade, and that’s not including accidental deaths of sozzled stags stumbling onto dual carriageways wearing nothing but a tutu.
INCREASED OBNOXIOUSNESS, YEAH, YOU.
Most of those deaths are as a result of sustained, long-term drinking, but there are numerous health risks associated with a short, sharp binge too. The NHS website warns of a sliding scale of ill-effects ranging from “[becoming] more obnoxious to others” to lost bladder control, lost consciousness and an increased risk of heart attack.
A PROFESSIONAL SPEAKS
Staggered consulted a doctor – let’s call him ‘Dr A’ – for elucidation and to stop him losing his job. “The worst consequence of binge drinking is, as most people are aware, being asphyxiated beneath a large sea-dwelling mammal masquerading as a human female,” says Dr A. “Alternatively you could just choke on your own dirty sick.” Mmm.
LIVER AND OH-NOES!
“Your liver is no more or less resistant than the next man’s, and it will respond exactly the same to sustained abuse: by attempting to fail and kill you slowly,” says Doc A. “It’s becoming more and more common to see people in their 30s entering potentially the last decade of their life because of the drip-drip effect of years of alcohol. The liver is a hardy organ, but once it starts to go down it goes down hard. People with end-stage liver disease can look forward to losing all of their mental faculties, turning yellow, sporting an ugly, distended belly full of their own fluid, and finally expiring in a pool of their own effluent.”
So unless your bride-to-be has a Homer Simpson fetish (a predilection for dim-witted, yellow-skinned men with bloated waists), it’s going to be worth keeping an eye on what you drink.
THE RECOVERY POSITION
At the very least the best man should take responsibility for getting the stag through the night. And with the very real risk of a gurgling, vomit-y death, they should acquaint themselves with the recovery position before the tequila kicks in – it may just save the stag’s life once he’s passed out on the floor of the Travelodge bar.
THE NEXT DAY
Whether it’s a fried breakfast or Marmite on toast, we’ve all got our favourite hangover cures. The NHS recommend paracetamol-based painkillers, sugary food, lots of water and isotonic drinks and a steaming bowl of veggie soup.
Says Dr A: “The best way to ensure a speedy recovering is to eat something to soak up the alcohol before bed – bananas are better than kebabs – and a committed rehydration programme the next day.” And no, that doesn’t mean a hair of the dog down the Red Lion.
The issue of which is the most effective hangover cure is one that has concerned booze-riddled scientists since time began. If you’ve got any suggestions then do us a favour and what them on the forum (link below)…
Other than that – safe drinking Comrades.
Related Stuff:
- Surviving The Stag-Do: Drinking Tactics
- Stag-Do Survival – Surviving The Stripper
- Stag-do ideas: Boozy-Dos With A Difference
- Surviving The Stag-Do: Damage Limitation
- Surviving The Stag Do: Chained To The Railings
