Staggered’s Ultimate TV Weddings – Part The First
Leave your prejudices (prejudii?) at the door, dear reader, for the list of ultimate TV weddings you are about to read bears no mention of Kylie & Jason, nor indeed any of the soap operas of which the ‘wedding episode’ is such a worn and dull staple.
If you’ve read an entertainment magazine in the last 30 years you’ve probably been exposed to dozens of articles proclaiming themselves to be the definitive list of ultimate TV weddings, and all of them tread the same boring ground.
As usual, Staggered are bucking the trend. Over the next few days we’re going to be bringing you the best TV weddings EVER…OFFICIAL…FACT LIST TYPE THING. By which we mean that it includes The Simpsons, Star Trek and Seinfeld. It’ll be good, trust us.
10 – Pinter Ranawat & Sue Ellen Mischke (Seinfeld, The Betrayal)
Who? What? Television? Just give me a minute and I’ll explain! Sheesh.
In this now legendary homage to the Harold Pinter play of the same name, we’re treated to a reverse chronology of events as The Seinfeld gang (see, you’ve heard of Seinfeld) return from a journey to India where Elaine’s stint as Maid of Honour has apparently gone awry. Like Memento, but instead of a noir motel it’s set in a Technicolor Indian wedding.
As well as being one of the more visually unique TV weddings, the clever framing device allows for flashback humour to put Fight Club to shame, including the greatest sneeze gag ever written. Remember, however highly dramatic your own wedding might get, it’s unlikely to descend into these levels of farce:
9 – Ned Flanders & Ginger/Homer Simpson & Amber (The Simpsons, Viva Ned Flanders)
Click Ned’s tache for the full episode.
A cautionary tale for the ages, as Flanders makes the improbable decision of awarding Homer his power of attorney on the promise that Homer teach him how to live. The pair duly embark on a once-in-a-lifetime bender to Vegas, only to find themselves committing bigamy while drunk (we’ve all been there).
With a wealth of weddings to choose from in the Simpsons’ archives, and particularly amidst the current interest in Lisa’s wedding (which was set in the distant future of 2010) what marks this episode as a Staggered favourite is its irrepressible maleness, its knowing depiction of perennial stag destination favourite Las Vegas, and the immortal wedding vows:
“Do you want to get married-married?”
“Sure. Sock it to me, baby!”
8 – Eric DeBenedetto & Allegra Sacrimoni (The Sopranos, Mr. Mrs. John Sacrimoni Request…)
This excellent, darkly humorous series often delighted in letting the audience in on the fact that while the central characters romanticised their lives of crime and likened them to The Godfather, the reality of their lives was much closer to Goodfellas. This delusion was rarely nodded at more overtly than in this episode, in which Christopher notes with some chagrin that Father of the Bride Johnny Sack is the one asking, and not giving of favours.
Allowed a compassionate leave from prison for the big day, he uses the opportunity to negotiate a “whack” with Tony that would seal his power play for control of New York. Kept under close observation by police during the ceremony, he proceeds to break down in tears when they block the departure of his daughter’s car and remand him back into custody as she watches. Now, if the most embarrassing thing your dad does at your wedding is The Macarena, count your blessings.
Tune in tomorrow for THE ULTIMATE WEDDING TV THINGY THING: PART DEUX
Did we get it right? Get it wrong? Who cares what you think? We do of course! Leave your meaningless blather in the box below…
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