Romancing The Stone In Columbia

I don’t know if it has something to do with the pirate culture of being English, having nomadic parents or just being a wayward spirit shirking from responsibility but after a combined tally of seven years living and working as a journalist, social projects coordinator and expedition guide in South America, I grew tired of wandering. And Colombia was my chosen destination to stop.

Of course it helped that this country was relatively unknown and misunderstood and so for a journalist and someone who works in tourism (I have opened a hotel as well www.lacasaamarillamompos.com) I could start on a blank page. So, roughly five years ago I relocated to Bogota. And more or less that is the story. Alba and I were introduced by mutual friends and over time the relationship blossomed.

The theme for our wedding for those coming from overseas is going to be Romancing the Stone. Clearly we had no choice since Alba and I are to be wed in Cartagena, Colombia where some unforgettable scenes from one of the greatest flicks of the 1980s took place. Kathleen and Michael will not be in attendance. And obviously with no stretch of the imagination I plan on donning a beige suit and striding along the antiquated walls of the Old City.

In truth I had banked on a beige suit, it is that or white that is the norm here. Frankly I don’t think my mates from the UK would ever let me live down a white suit and white leather slip ons. So, beige it is.

Now, Cartagena is becoming a wedding ceremony destination of choice for couples from the US looking for something different to the usual Caribbean shebang, and given Colombia’s turnaround in recent years and Cartagena’s sophistication as a destination, why not? Obviously, there’s a lot to learn, we have opted not to have a wedding planner and given the cultural differences between the UK and Colombia there’s bound to be some items lost in translation. We’ll get there.

The first issue was to secure the church, prices have started to rise steeply since the likes of Vanity Fair, Tatler and so on have done features. Our first choice church offered us a slot between two other weddings in the morning and on a date we did not want. Do you know how hot it gets here at 11am? Closer to 35 degrees. Can you imagine any friends from the UK and Canada surviving that? And in suits!

So, our second choice, the Iglesia de la Tercera Orden was picked. Of course, far be it for the person in charge of taking bookings there to ever answer the phone. The idea was mooted for me to fly out for a day from Bogota (It’s a 1hr 15 min flight from the capital) and doorstep the priest. But, fortunately this wasn’t needed.

The next stumbling block was the fact that supposedly, this church with its colonial and naval history would only accept weddings from Naval personnel. I’m no Admiral. I suggested I come dressed as Sir Francis Drake and my best man as Edward Vernon, since Cartagena was always put under duress by the English Navy back in the day (locals refer to them as Pirates). Perhaps this was in bad taste since Don Blas, the Spaniard responsible for defending the city from the aforementioned corsairs, is possibly buried within the church.

Fortunately the church, one of the oldest in the city, has seen fit to make an exception on our behalf.  The wedding ceremony is paid for and booked on August 6 at 7pm.

Now comes the hard sell, getting my friends and family to make the journey out to Cartagena. With no direct flights to Cartagena or indeed Colombia from the UK, it is becoming an expensive prospect for them. Uni friends and the like are keen, but, as previously mentioned the hard sell is to wives and girlfriends. Emails have been sent out to advise them to “save the date” and now we wait.

I have to make good on my promise that some of the loopier in-laws will be moustachioed, play up to every South America stereotype and fire off hand guns into the air at midnight.

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