Notice of Marriage Interview – A Registrar Speaks
For some reason the Notice of Marriage interview seems to be something that has been built up out of all proportion in some blokes’ minds, so we asked Zac Thraves, a registrar for marriages and civil partnerships in Kent, and officially the most sci-fi-named bloke Staggered knows to reveal what actually happens…
The lone figure of the Groom stomped into the interview room and was sharply ordered to sit down,
“This is it,” he thought. “This is the moment my life as I know it will change forever.”
The registrar, a greying government-type with dust covering his shoulders, leaned in and exhaled his heavy stale breathe over the face of the groom; he laughed manically, leaned back in his chair and spoke.
‘So, why do you want to be married?’
The groom gulped and tried to speak, but nothing could come out except a simple whimper that sighed, I’m sorry.
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This is not, of course, the reality for giving your notices of marriage at your local register office, but sometimes the look in the groom’s eyes suggests that this is the first scenario that has popped into his head. As if Jack Bauer were going to be interrogating him as to his worthiness, or as if he were James Bond, strapped naked to a chair and about to be whipped around his manhood like that scene from Casino Royale.
The reality is that it is easy; all we as registrars need to know are your name, age, occupation, address, bank balance and if you have any serious sexual diseases. Alright, maybe not the latter few, but it is amazing how many times the look of fear on the groom’s face suggests that he is walking to his doom.
The actual scenario usually plays like this; legally you have to be seen separately and you both have to obtain your licences in person at your local offices. The bride is usually the first to go in as the old adage ‘ladies first’ is often used by the groom who sits in the waiting room pondering his future; after a short while the bride re-appears, cheerful, happy and relieved that the process is not nearly as painful as the discussion about it in the car.
Then the groom goes in, not noticing his soon-to-be-wife’s calm reaction; but in his own world of fear and dread at being so bureaucratically chastised that he will never be able to show his face in his dad’s conservative club ever again.
But remember this, brave men, you are getting married, not being interviewed for a job or sent into the front line; it’s your wedding, a day of happiness and joy and celebration. Registrars (for the most part, I can’t speak for all of them) are there to make sure your wedding is legal and binding, that no-one can burst through the door and declare that you are already married or that you are brother and sister (not yet happened to me I hasten to add).
Our job is to make sure you CAN get married, not the other way; so unless you really don’t want to and would rather leap out of the window in the interview room, then please bear in mind, we want you to live happily ever after.
So here is what you will possibly need to bring with you:-
- Passport
- Birth Certificate
- Proof that any previous marriage is finished (if never married, then don’t take anything)
- Proof of any change of name (ie: deed poll)
- Proof of your address (driving licence will do)
- Basic knowledge of where you’re getting married and when
- Basic knowledge of your loved one
- Money (a notice of marriage currently costs £30 each)
And that’s all there is to it, now stop worrying and get on with it. Good luck!
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My husband got so worried about the whole registrar meeting that he forgot my Dad’s name…I was quite amused by his general panic, but from the look on the Registrar’s face I wondered if they thought we were a marry of convenience….
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