I’m Nervous About The Church Ceremony
The seriousness of the wedding ceremony is most keenly felt during the church ceremony. Combined with the idea of fluffing your vows in front of your nearest and dearest it’s no wonder that you don’t have to look too hard for youtube vids of grooms fainting in church. We asked Father Robert Stanier to give us some inside information on keeping your cool during the ceremony. 
Wasn’t it Phil Taylor who says that it’s good to have a few nerves before a match, as it proves you’re ready to play. Or was it Ryan Giggs? Or Ian Botham? Or all of the above.
When a groom is nervous, to be honest, part of me is pleased. It means they are taking the day seriously, and, my-oh-my, who wouldn’t be nervous at the prospect of pledging the rest of their life to be with someone? This is serious stuff.
At the same time, we in the church don’t want to create an inhumane atmosphere where grooms are wilting under the pressure.
So what’s the key?
First… Recognise that unless you’re a robot, you will be a bit nervous. This is both natural and also probably a good thing.
Second… Remember that everyone’s there to support you, not laugh at you.
Third… remember that, from the vicar’s perspective, he or she only has to hear that you mean what you say: e.g. you’re meant to say “I will” when asked if you will take this woman in marriage: but if you say, “Yes I do,” or even “I’d love to,” that will do, in that when it comes to the crunch, we as clergy are just asked to ensure that people mean what they say, and that they are going into this ceremony willingly. The exact words aren’t crucial in that sense. So if you stumble over your words a bit, don’t worry. You won’t have to come back the next day and do it again.
Fourth… in my experience, there is a real, and appropriate tension in a wedding service: basically, the ceremony gets more and more tense until the priest gets to say, “I now declare you husband and wife,” and after that, almost instantly, everyone loses all your nerves and it’ll be a happy run of adrenline and joy for the rest of the day. You’ve crossed the finishing line and you can relax. A bit like scoring the third away goal in a European cup tie: you’re definitely through to the next round. It’s remarkable how the atmosphere really builds up to that moment and then the tension just gets released. Every single time.
So… don’t worry too much, if you can. But do worry a bit. It shows that you mean it.
Robert Stanier is an ordained Minister in Lambeth.
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