How To Ask Her Dad’s Permission
The delightful tradition of asking your girlfriend’s father for her hand in marriage has, according to absolutely no scientific research whatsoever, had somewhat of a resurgence of late. We’ve previously explained the fascinating history of the practice, and offered some ever-so-helpful pros and cons – so if you are reading this it seems you’ve decided to man-up and do it the old-fashioned way. Huzzah! In that case you might want some guidance in how best to approach the mission. What’s that? Yes, you would? Here you go then…
Location, Location, Location:
You want him to respect you and take you seriously, so if you are currently living in sin with his perfect daughter, in a scruffy little Withnailesque bedsit, then maybe don’t invite him over to your gaff. It will only scream ‘I am unable to provide sufficiently for your little Princess and our future together is predominantly Formica’.
This is not something that should ever be screamed. Likewise perhaps you are better off not risking entering his ‘castle’ in an attempt to whisk the aforementioned Princess from him. At home he’s surrounded by memories of her childhood and may see you as an outsider with designs on his kingly throne. Neutral ground is best – neutral and manly. Where men can be men. Not the YMCA, but the good old-fashioned British boozer.
The pub says ‘we’re both men, you can trust me, I’m a top bloke who’s just bought you a pint of ale and some pork fat’. How could he possibly say no to anything you ask? Unless he’s a teetotal vegetarian. In which case there’s no way you’d bother asking his opinion anyway. The only possible spanner in the ‘public house as venue’ works is if he actually lives in a pub. If your future father-in-law is indeed either a gangster or a retired footballer you might have to take him to a local boxing match or greyhound track. So that’s win-win really.
Timing is everything:
If he’s a blabbermouth make sure you only ask him right before you’re going to pop the question to her – otherwise he may just ruin the big surprise for you. Given that most men are monosyllabic emotionless automatons [Oi! That would hurt my feelings if I had any! Ed.], who have got far better things to do than prattle on about wedding and engagements and suchlike, you may think this shouldn’t be a problem. You are wrong. And if you are about to get married then you must realise that this is something you will be hearing for the rest of your life. Get used to it. So, if in doubt, ask him as close to the point at which you are going to ask her as you can, but obviously without just doing it simultaneously – that could get really confusing for everyone concerned. Plus women shouldn’t be in the pub anyway. Phew.
Gauge his mood and be prepared to ‘abort mission’ if required. The pub is a great manly setting to pop the question to another bloke – but make sure you do not ask him just after his beloved football/rugby/synchronized swimming team have been thrashed. Anger, frustration and despair may be fitting emotions on which to decide on a future of marriage but they’re unlikely to help you in this instance. Equally, be careful how you ask him if his team have indeed just won the cup – if he’s really happy he may just get carried away and you could end up marrying him instead. Perhaps not the desired result. Perhaps…
Spell it out:
Make sure to add the phrase ‘in marriage’ to your request – as some fathers, notably those from the cosa nostra, yakuza and certain religious fundamentalists, may take you literally and make you a present of your beloved’s severed hand. This is hardly an auspicious way to start a life together. Although further questions should perhaps be asked as to why you have chosen to marry into said family. I’m guessing the answer is that she is above average levels of attractiveness. It’s your bed, buddy…
So there we have it, a sure fire recipe for success in the noble tradition of asking her father for his daughter’s hand in marriage. Pick a relatively inconsequential game his team is bound to win, take him to the pub, plough him with drinks and pig bits and bite the bullet, maybe even have a few answers prepared in case he takes it seriously and asks how you intend to support her (the answer is not: “Why with my figure skating career of course, you big silly!”). Or do it your own way – but don’t come crying to me when it all goes bristols skyward…
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