Hen Dos Uncovered
I think I speak for all mankind when I say that as a man there’s rarely anything as terrifying as coming across a hen do on a night out. You’re sat there enjoying your beer and then you see them all out in a posse, necking Barcadi Breezers like there’s no tomorrow, breasts and novelty hats flying everywhere. Then there’s the noise: the cackling. The shrieking. The dares.
*Shudders*
Anyway, we thought it might be interesting to try and uncover precisely what these hen dos are like and whether blokes should be worried when their wife-to-be heads off on her last night of freedom.
We put some questions to a panel of hen night survivors, ranging from the hen-do newbie (one hen night attended) to the hen-night pro (25 hen nights attended) to see what actually goes on.
Brace yourselves gents, this isn’t always fun reading.
STAGGERED: How would you describe the typical hen night?
L: Depending on the bride or her mates, it’s either complete carnage, or a total yawnathon.
K: Lots of silly giggling, lots of making fun of boys.
C: Probably much like a stag do. Everybody plans the night with the attitude of getting blindingly drunk, but somehow by the time the night comes around you’re not always necessarily in the mood. A few drinks in, however, and this is soon forgotten. Hen parties seem to have an unnerving ability to attract other hen parties and also stag parties, like some unholy pre-wedding vortex. You might have never seen a hen party in your home town, but when you’re on a hen every pub is full of them. The standard plan is normally – stupid outfits, a sack full of dodgy looking willy shaped straws etc. screeching and cackling, and activities such as scavenger hunts for men’s pants.
B: Insane amounts of chattering, disposable cameras, girly cocktails and wine.
B2: A typical bachelorette party: crazy plans and big talk, rules about photos and confidentiality and lots of champagne. The girls usually arrive, go to the pool where men will send them drinks and flirt and then they will go back to the hotel room, play music, drink and get ready for dinner and a night on the town. The night usually involves a girlie dinner with toasts and drinks followed by a night out dancing. There will be flirting and talking to other men but usually the bride is pretty tame.
STAGGERED: Do you prank the hen or is it all just dressing up?
L: Tediously, it all focuses on making the hen wear something stupid.
B: Most women I know find the penis straws and silly tiaras ridiculous and want to go out and feel sexy and have fun. There aren’t all that many in-house games, so to speak, but loads of dares (go and have that man show you his abs, etc).
K: Willy straws and L plates are a must have but also a variety of dare cards have reared their ugly heads, they’re generally quite tame with the odd one that’s not so tame! Ooh and always a Mr and Mrs quiz!
L: Everything – one I went on the bride had a shopping list of items she had to acquire by the end of the night, this included five pairs of men’s pants, freshly ripped off the arse of young flesh. On another the bride had to kiss every man that had the same name as her intended.
STAGGERED: Do you enjoy hen dos?
60% said yes, 40% said no. A typical comment being:
L: Generally hate them if I’m not arsed about the bride.
STAGGERED: How often are strippers involved?
The vast majority said very rarely, but seemed more popular from the American side, here’s one answer:
B2: A stripper is usually involved. Many women in Vegas will rent a bus and have the stripper come on it or to their hotel room. The stripper will dance for the women and allow women to touch him (I have seen brides do nothing and others touch his private parts). Male strippers are not like female strippers. They encourage women to touch them, and if a woman will allow it, will touch the woman as much as possible. Most women see the stripper as entertainment and don’t make out with him or let it go too far. Some brides will lick whipped cream off of his abs or allow him to spank them or dance suggestively in front of her, but it depends on the woman. The friends, like with a male party, are usually the ones being idiots.
STAGGERED: Approximate percentage where the hen played away (as in was unfaithful to a partner, for those not acquainted with the football terminology, you are girls after all):
Encouragingly this was very low: less than 1% as an average. Although:
L: Does fingering count? If so about 25%.
STAGGERED: As an average what percent of the hen party pull?:
E: I’m going to say 2%, I’ve never seen it but I don’t rule it out. It’s just that these things aren’t about men, we don’t want there to be men around trying to dance with us or whatever. That is the POINT of the hen do.
L: Does fingering count? if so about 65%.
L: 33.3% – rarely go home with them though, as it is sistahs before mistas
C: Usually there is one girl, usually the organiser, who has rigged the whole fancy dress set up so as to be dressed in the most alluring outfit for her particular charms and she usually pulls.
STAGGERED: What’s the worst thing that you’ve seen on a hen do?
B: A stripper in an Ashton-under-Lyne club who called himself ‘Stan the Man’. Nothing untoward happened, but I feel distinctly queasy just looking at him.
C: I have seen a hen do where the mother-of-the-bride was present and she made by hand a wedding dress with fake pubic hair attached to the relevant region for the hen to wear. But this was on TV. Generally, it’s just excessive vomit.
S: I saw one hen be sick down herself on the Pepsi Max at Blackpool and continue with the pub crawl afterwards. That said one had to admire her conviction to the cause.
R: Neon dresses on girls too overweight for any kind of lycra type material.
STAGGERED: What advice would you have if a bloke is nervous about his Mrs going out for her last night of freedom?
B2: If a man is nervous, he should talk to his bride to be, just as a bride should talk to her hubby. If it’s too stressful for the bride or groom, they should look at other options. I know one groom who met up with his bride later that night and she was his private stripper and another Bride invited her groom and his friends to join them late night at the club.
E: That he gets a life. Women aren’t bothered by their last night of freedom, it’s all about the fiance and the wedding. A typical hen-night activity is a quiz about the groom. So unless she REALLY takes to the naked butler…
L: I would suggest it is probably best never to really ask what happened. The majority of hen do’s are raucous nights that end in at least three people crying, one being sick and the bride-to-be telling everyone she loves them. There are however the other sort which ends in at least three people crying, one being sick and the bride-to-be attending the family planning clinic the day after. I reiterate, it really depends if she’s a slapper or not, but mainly depends on her mates, and how outrageous they are.
R: Chill out, and focus on how you are going to get out of the pickle that you are going to find yourself in. Hen parties are really just nights out with a different name for girls.
L: No. unless you get the impression she’s really gone off the idea of marrying you, you haven’t had sex in months and her friends hate you deeply – then the hen do could potentially be a jailbreak operation. Don’t worry – the average hen do is just as tame as the average stag do – but with a few more brightly coloured bubbly cocktails and plastic willies. Women don’t really view the hen do as a ‘last night of freedom’, and the idea of copping off with an anonymous sweaty drunk man is about as attractive to her as it was the previous weekend when she was out with a similar bunch of mates, which you weren’t worried about at all.
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