Five alternatives to weddings

Weddings. Like amputee porn and The One Show, they’re not to everyone’s tastes, but what happens if you want to show your commitment without doing the whole marriage thing? 

Well, several things. For people who feel slightly ill and overcome at the thought of getting married (for these ‘people’ read ‘men’), there are options galore allowing you to display your shining rainbow of love to your partner, all without being married like the rest of the world and his wife.

From ceremonies that are almost exactly like a wedding in every way but the name to having an inky needle repeatedly stabbed into your skin by a stranger, there really is something for everyone, and we’ve got five of the best right here.

Commitment ceremony

Billed as ‘a new choice for couples’, commitment ceremonies are, apparently, a ‘meaningful and dignified ceremony for adult couples’ and can be held at any venue, including your very own home.

 Whether the ‘dignified’ bit means there’s no drunken dad- dancing allowed at the afterparty is unclear, but the important bit here is in the small print.

Commitment ceremonies have NO legal implications, meaning no rights or responsibilities, and that’s just the way we like things. That makes the commitment ceremony, ironically, perfect for commitment- phobes, and seemingly quite easy and inexpensive to arrange too. Just call the folk at civilceremonies.co.uk and they’ll act as a J- Lo style wedding planner to get you committed from just £75 inc. VAT.

So, no responsibility, easy and cheap? This is sounding better all the time…

Civil Partnership

Possibly the most famous alternative to marriage is the civil partnership, allowing same- sex couples to have their relationship legally recognised. So you get all the formal bells and whistles, but the best bit is, because it’s just signing a piece of paper, there’s no need for a public ceremony and you can use that as an excuse not to invite aunt Beryl. Bonus.

Other than that though, it really is pretty much the same as getting married, meaning you need to do all the boring stuff like give notice, get registered and have a certificate, snooze. Let the government tell you all about it here:

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Registeringlifeevents/Marriagesandcivilpartnerships/DG_175715

Tattoos

Tattoos are cool – just like smoking, kids – and if you can convince your loved one to not only forego the expense and stress of a wedding, but also to go with you to get a matching tattoo, then more power to you. We suggest calling it something like a ‘commitment symbol’ to sell the idea to them, but if they’re still unsure then try this. Portia De Rossi, Jenna Jameson and Pamela Anderson have all had tattoos on their ring fingers to symbolise commitment to various partners, and if it’s good enough for celebrities then it’s good enough for us, right? Right. Just don’t mention that Pammie’s then- partner Tommy Lee decided to have his matching tattoo not on his finger, but on his, er, cock. Yikes.

Still, wherever you do decide to get your ink, it should at least be a cheap option and it’ll last you for life. Although that could be quite embarrassing if it outlasts the partner in question.

http://www.uktattoostudios.co.uk/

Therapy

If you’re looking for an alternative to marriage in the first place, then chances are there’s some deep- seated problem with your relationship anyway and you actually want to have sex with your mum while your friends watch. Or something.

At least that’s what a therapist might say, and thereby bring you and your partner closer together (or make you feel irrevocably uncomfortable in each other’s presence).

Still, worth a go eh? And while having a crack at couples’ therapy could make you stronger than ever before, more importantly it’s cheap. Sessions start from around £40 and the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy can even tell you where your nearest private counsellor is. Yay!

www.bacp.co.uk

Party

The best bit about a wedding is always the party at the end anyway, so why not just skip the whole first section and go straight to the good bit? Oh, and you’ll be showing all and sundry that you’re a committed couple too, of course.

This way, you get all the drunk friends telling you what a lovely couple you are, the obscure relation being sick in someone’s hat, and the previously un-introduced friends getting it on without any of the lifelong legal binding stuff. What’s not to like?

Plus, you can get this one for almost free by hiring a pub and promising them that your friends will spend enough to make it worth their while. The only cost to you? Beer money.

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