Dave Spikey: Should Your Best Man Speech Annihilate The Groom?
hi Dave – what’s your view on the best man speech. It’s the one that everyone thinks about when they mention the speeches but I’m worried about the content of mine. My mates will be expecting me to rip the groom to shreds – and to be fair there’s more than enough material to do that but I know how worried the bride is that I’m going to make everything a mess – I guess the question is how far is too far?
Well my friend, the first thing that springs to mind is this: I think your focus should be more on the bride and groom’s family and friends rather than the few mates who “expect you to rip the groom to shreds!”
The second thing is that character assassination of this scale (ripping to shreds!) doesn’t sit easily in the canon of great comedy speeches. If you want the room to enjoy your speech and laugh along with you rather than squirm in their seats as you regale them with tales of the groom’s indiscretions, bad habits and worse I’d encourage you to steer clear of any lurid stories.
That doesn’t of course mean that you have to omit any genuinely funny, strange or shocking and surprising incidents from the groom’s past and I stress genuine incidents and there are ways of weaving them into the speech which should make them perhaps less Full-On.
How’s about this for an idea – an idea that includes the participation of a couple of your mates. Explain that rather than a traditional speech you are going to share your memories and experiences of the groom with the audience and the bride by way of a game-show. Announce in the style of game-show host that the ideal game show here of course being “Mr and Mrs” – Music Cue ; “Mr and Mrs” theme tune (obtained via internet or TV Themes album), encourage the crowd to sing along.
Explain the rules and demonstrate the sound that signifies a correct answer – a bell operated by one mate and then the sound that indicates a wrong answer – horn , duck-quacker or ideally, if another mate has the skill, the sound made by blowing down a bicycle pump as the handle is pushed up.
Introduce tonight’s first contestants – your very own bride and groom. Interview them, ask their names, ask them where they met, what they do for a living, hobbies, so everybody finds out a bit about the couple. Take the opportunity to take the mickey out of the groom if you don’t agree with his replies or he misses out a past job or hobby or piece of important information.
Now onto the quiz – Its the bride’s turn first to answer – how well does she know her new husband? As in “Mr and Mrs” there can be three or sometimes four alternative answers to each question so build them around the one true fact from his past that you want to highlight. Make the other options more outrageous than the actual fact so that by comparison it doesn’t seem so bad. Pitch it so that even the outrageous options might seem plausible to those who know him best.
I stress again , select your facts carefully and avoid any lurid , shocking or unpleasant revelations. Everybody has a few interesting experiences in their past and it’s far better that quite a few family and friends know of these as they will laugh along at the revelations. For example:
Q. What embarrassing incident happened to groom on the football tour to Nottingham in 2005?
a] He was stopped by the police while walking down the street wearing a traffic cone, singing “We’re off to see the Wizard, the wonderful of Oz” and drinking from a pint glass he’d walked out of a pub with? When the policeman asked him what he was drinking he threw the glass over a wall and said “Nothing, pig”
b] He was slow-dancing, up close and personal, with a girl in “Ritzy’s” when he felt a stiffy coming on …….and it wasn’t his.
c] He suggested you all did a runner from the Indian Restaurant and when you legged it to the night club and he looked for his wallet he remembered it was in his jacket – which was still on the back of his chair at the Indian.
You get the gist – enrol friends and family in digging out stories from his early and recent life – his parents may have some crackers. How he got that scar , where and why he had that tattoo, why he got excluded from school – whatever. Don’t limit the revelations to those of drunken pranks, stag nights etc. Find about 5 questions that will perfectly portray the man. And remember – Ring the Bell for a Correct Answer, Sound the horn for a Wrong Answer.
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