An Interview With My Mother-In-Law
All week we’ve been looking at the issue of the mother-in-law. We’ve made all the standard mother-in-law jokes (and written some new ones), given advice about how to cope with the problems that sometimes arise and found out that some of you love and some of you loathe your mothers-in-law. The only thing that’s left is to hear the mothers-in-law’s side of the story, which brings us to the woman pictured below, my mother-in-law.
When I was answering the poll we ran earlier in the week about whether you love or loathe your mother-in-law I had no hesitation in answering that I love mine. Lyn has been a genuinely great help to me and my wife. I’d be lying if I said we’ve always agreed 100% about everything, but then I could say that about me and pretty much anyone else on earth, and having heard some of your stories about terrifying mother-in-laws I know I’m a lucky son-in-law.
That doesn’t mean that I enjoyed interviewing her though.
No son-in-law should ever have to ask his mother-in-law, “So, do you think you interfere then?”
Difficult. Here’s what was said…
STAGGERED: Hi Lyn, obviously you’re my mother-in-law, so this is the weirdest interview I’ve ever done and I’ve interviewed Mr T after I started the interview by admitting I’d once flushed an action figure of him down the loo. Clearly, this should be pretty easy for you because I’m a great son-in-law.
LYN: Just ask the questions Andrew.
From your perspective is being a mother-in-law something that you ever think about? Obviously there’s all the jokes about mothers-in-law and the stereotype is well known, what’s the same for mother-in-laws?
I don’t understand. Explain what you mean.
I guess I’m asking if mothers-in-law sit around talking about their son-in-laws?
I think it depends who your son-in-law is, I mean I’ve got such a fantastic son-in-law (laughter, almost too much laughter). Most of the people I know get on with their son-in-laws but if they don’t get on then you can very quickly get a divide and it means they don’t see their daughters as much as they would, which is a shame obviously and that’s when things start going wrong.
Our relationship writer Brenda Della Casa pinpointed three things that can be a source of conflict, let me read them to you and see what you think. The first was when a mother-in-law spends a lot of time round the house. When your daughter gets married I guess you have to learn new boundaries don’t you? Is that quite hard?
It is quite hard because it’s a big change. I think it helps if they’ve been away to university because then you’ve already got used to them not being around, sometimes that’s nice when they’re very noisy like Emma is, it’s nice for a while because things are quiet and relaxed but it does take getting used to.
Also when you set up home together it’s hard, as you know I’m a bit of a housework-a-holic and I’m always cleaning and so whenever I’m round at your house I tend to get on and start cleaning when I shouldn’t do really.
That was the second point Brenda had actually, this idea of the interfering mother-in-law, which is probably a keyword that we hear a lot about interfering.
(Laughter) That’s what I do!
I don’t think you do though. I think that you’ve often thought that I think you were interfering more than I ever thought it, if that makes sense? I see when you’re doing housework or re-decorating our house I can see why you’re doing it and why I should just be grateful.
I think from my point of view a lot of what I do for you and Emma comes from what my parents did, they were always around and all through our marriage they were always there and my dad used to say “This wants doing,” and he’d do it. My mum was the same. I think because of that I was always used to someone being around and helping out. I suppose I’ve taken that role on and I don’t think it’s always a good thing to be saying, “this wants doing,” when you might not want it saying!
Do you think you interfere then?
Yes, I think I do! (Laughter)
(Laughter) Really?
Yes I think I probably do a little bit.
Well, I wouldn’t have termed it as interfering because I can see why you’re doing something and that it comes from a good place.
I would say I’m probably bossy more than I interfere.
Yes, but that’s you as a person though.
Thank-you Andrew. I am bossy, but then Emma is as well.
The last one that Brenda mentioned as a source of tension was when the mother-in-law takes over during the wedding planning and doesn’t listen to the groom’s ideas.That’s quite a big thing with our readers.
I personally feel that this is where you’re often just doing your best to help but then it’s a very fine line between helping and doing too much.
What would your advice be to readers who are thinking that their mother-in-law is taking over their wedding?
I would say that you have to do it in a very nice manner, but take them to one side and have a chat with them. Say “You’ve been fantastic and thanks for all your help, but these four or five things to do with the wedding would you mind if we led the way because they’re really important to us.”
And do you think that would work?
Yes, I think so. Unless they’re a real dragon!
Related Posts:
Leave your response!