Blog – Writing Your Own Vows For A Church Wedding

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“We’re getting married in a church but I’d like to write some vows that are a bit more personal – is that possible if we’re in church, or do we have to stick to the traditional ones?”

Essentially the answer is that you have to stick to the traditional vows. But there are a few more things to be said on this topic.

First, don’t forget that the Church of England vows are brilliant, as they are. As one groom once pointed out to me, “they aren’t complicated words but they are deep”. Just think: “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health…” These are words that have stood the test of time and this is the only chance you’ll ever have to say them: I promise you that when you say them to each other in front of your family and friends (and, for that matter, God!), you’ll be very moved at the step you’re taking and the commitments you’re making.

You’ll also be able to infuse them with your own feelings. When you say, “All that I am, I give to you” or “All that I have, I share with you”, only you and your partner will know exactly what that entails. The reason these vows are kept the same for everyone is because they express what the Church believes the commitments involved in marriage are.

I can see what you mean, though, about wanting to say something personal. I wonder if the answer would be to have that at some other point in the day. The time of speeches can be an opportunity for saying something very public about your feelings for your partner. Or you may want each to say something about your feelings about the commitment you are making to each other at another point in the service. The rubric is clear about what vows need to be said, but equally it leaves open the possibility for more to be said by you if you so wish. Talk to the priest in charge about how you might do this.

One word of warning. I’ve been to (registry office) weddings where people have made their own vows, and sometimes, these have been very beautiful. But there are other times when, to be honest, they’ve been a bit cringe-making. The combination of deeply personal words in a formal setting is a difficult one to pull off, and let’s face it, we aren’t all William Shakespeare.
Don’t let that put you off of itself, but it’s something to bear in mind.

Note: I’m assuming you’re getting married in a Church of England church, which is much the most common option. Other churches may be more flexible (though not the Roman Catholic church) but these ceremonies are unlikely to be legally binding, so you’d then need to go to a registry office as well.

Hope that fits the bill.

Cheers,

Robert Stanier
www.stgeorgechristchurchstpaul.net

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